Sharon Reformed Presbyterian Church · Sermon study sheet

Conflict 101 - Part 1

Bryan Schneider · April 6, 2024

Ephesians 4; James 1

sharonrpc.org/sermons/conflict-101-part-1

Summary

Conflict occurs in every family, marriage, friendship, and congregation, but Christians may receive it as an opportunity to grow in grace, gentleness, and Christlikeness.
Some irritations should be overlooked through patience and loving forbearance rather than elevated into moral crises.
Real wrongs must be overcome without sinful anger, seeking the other person's good and unity rather than personal victory.
Overwhelming conflicts may require time, accountability, counselors, elders, or other outside help, and reconciliation requires willing participation from both parties.
Fair conflict addresses one issue, specific behavior, and known facts rather than many accumulated grievances, character attacks, generalizations, or guessed motives.
Selfish desires, uncontrolled anger, harsh speech, contemptuous tone, hostile body language, insults, and dismissiveness kill communication.
Christians must remember that a brother or sister purchased by Christ is not the enemy and should fight for the body's unity.
The gospel supplies the pattern and power: Christ moved toward sinners with kindness and forgiveness before they deserved reconciliation.

Is this conflict an irritation to overlook, a wrong to overcome, or an overwhelming situation requiring outside help?
Am I bearing with another person in love or making everyone walk on eggshells?
Is my anger directed at real sin, or at someone refusing to follow my preferred script?
Do I want the other person's holiness and good, or merely victory and vindication?
Can I state one specific behavior and its effect without attacking character or guessing motives?
What physical, verbal, and emotional signs warn me that anger is taking control?
Are my tone and words building a bridge toward unity or widening the division?
What accountability or wise outside help is needed when trust has been seriously damaged?
How does Christ's forgiveness reshape what I am willing to do first?

Forbearance: Patiently bearing ordinary weaknesses, differences, and irritations in love without turning each one into a confrontation.
Righteous anger: A morally fitting response to genuine evil that remains governed by God's law and does not authorize personal sin.
Reconciliation: The restoration of a damaged relationship through truth, repentance, forgiveness, accountability, and renewed trust.
Unity: The Spirit-given peace and shared life believers should preserve as members of Christ's one body.
Character attack: Condemning a person's identity or motives instead of addressing a specific, knowable behavior.
Edifying speech: Words chosen to build up the hearer, address the need truthfully, and impart grace.