John 15:12-17
Friendship - Part 2
Watch
Listen
Sermon Text
John 15:12-17
12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.
The New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982), Jn 15:12–17.
Sermon Summary
Introduction: We explore the rich theme of Christian friendship through John 15:11-17, where Jesus teaches us the transformative power of divine love. As we reflect on His command to love one another and His example of sacrificial love, we are invited to deepen our relationships within the church and beyond. Join us as we learn how to live out these principles in our everyday interactions.
Care for Others
Jesus's Love for Lazarus
Jesus wept, showing his love (John 11:35-36).
Jesus's Model
Jesus served, not to be served (Mark 10:45).
Jesus washed his disciples' feet (John 13:1-17).
Paul's Model
Paul prayed for and thanked others (Ephesians 1:15–16, Philippians 1:3–11, Colossians 1:3).
Compassion of Christ
Have compassion, not criticism (Philippians 1:8).
Avoid being like Job's critical friends.
Encourage and impart grace (Ephesians 4:29).
Be Willing to Risk for Each Other
Examples from Romans 16 and Philippians 2.
Genuine Interest in Others
Not Just Theological
Get to know each other personally.
Warning Against Gossip
Gossip divides and sows distrust.
Know each other's names.
Practical Ways to Build Friendships
Ask God for a Friend (1 John 5:14).
Worship Weekly (Hebrews 10:24–25).
Be Friendly
Smile, give genuine compliments.
Don’t wait for others to reach out.
Do Things Together
Share hobbies, outings, entertainment.
Sharing Needs
Be vulnerable and offer support.
Suffering Together
Weep and rejoice with others.
Praying Regularly
Pray with and for others.
Stay in Contact
Text, call, email, encourage.
Reality Check
Understand limitations and changes in relationships.
Guard against idolatry in friendships.
Sample Bible Study
Cultivating Christian Friendships - John 15:11-17
1. Biblical Theme:
John 15:12-13: "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."
Discussion: Explore the depth of Jesus's love and how it shapes our understanding of friendship.
2. Historical Context:
Understand the societal norms of Jesus's time regarding friendship and service, such as foot washing, to appreciate the radical nature of Jesus’s actions and teachings.
3. Practical Applications:
Serving Others: Emphasize practical ways to serve within the church community, reflecting Jesus’s servant leadership.
Prayerful Support: Encourage forming prayer groups that focus on interceding for each other’s spiritual and physical needs.
4. Theological References:
Westminster Confession of Faith: Chapter 26 discusses the communion of saints, highlighting the importance of fellowship and the duties Christians owe to each other, such as love and service.
Westminster Larger Catechism: Q. 133 elaborates on the commandment of loving our neighbor, explaining the spiritual and practical aspects of such love in a community.
Westminster Shorter Catechism: Q. 42 focuses on the summary of the ten commandments which is encapsulated in loving God and our neighbors, underpinning Christian friendships.
5. Conclusion:
Summarize the study by reiterating the call to action based on Jesus’s model of friendship. Encourage participants to consider ways they can strengthen or build friendships that reflect biblical principles.
Closing Prayer: Focus on asking God to deepen the community's commitment to living out the gospel through authentic and sacrificial friendships.
Weekday Devotionals
Monday Devotional: The Joy of Divine Friendship
Scripture Reading: John 15:11-13
"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."
As we embark on this week's reflection, let us ponder the profound love demonstrated by Christ. He calls us friends, not servants, revealing the depths of His love through the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. This friendship with Christ is the cornerstone of our joy, a joy that He desires to be full and complete within us.
Consider how the love of Jesus shapes your interactions and friendships. Are they marked by sacrificial love and deep commitment? Reflect on how you might embody this divine example in your daily interactions.
Prayer Prompt: Pray that God would deepen your understanding of His sacrificial love and empower you to love others with the same depth and sincerity.
Tuesday Devotional: The Servant’s Heart
Scripture Reading: John 13:14-15
"If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet."
In our pursuit of godly friendships, service is not merely an act but a heart posture that Jesus modeled perfectly. He, the King of Kings, stooped to wash the feet of His disciples, displaying humility and service that transcends human pride and position.
Today, meditate on ways you can serve those God has placed in your life. How can you wash their feet in the modern context? Perhaps through acts of kindness, listening when no one else will, or providing support during difficult times.
Prayer Prompt: Ask the Lord to cultivate a servant's heart within you, one that delights in serving others as Christ served His disciples.
Wednesday Devotional: The Ministry of Intercession
Scripture Reading: John 17:9-10
"I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours."
Christ’s prayer for His disciples before His crucifixion is a powerful reminder of the importance of intercessory prayer in Christian friendship. He interceded for their unity, protection, and sanctification.
Reflect on your prayer life: Are you regularly lifting up your friends in prayer, standing in the gap for them as Jesus did? Consider how you might incorporate more intentional prayer for others in your daily routine.
Prayer Prompt: Commit to praying for a friend or community member this week, asking God to meet their specific needs and to bless them spiritually and physically.
Thursday Devotional: Bearing Fruit in Friendship
Scripture Reading: John 15:16
"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain."
Friendship in the Christian context is not an end in itself but a means through which we bear lasting fruit. This fruit manifests through love, joy, peace, and the other fruits of the Spirit, influencing and enriching the community.
Today, contemplate the fruitfulness of your relationships. Are they drawing you closer to God and others in a meaningful way? Seek ways to foster growth and lasting impact through your interactions.
Prayer Prompt: Pray that God would use your friendships to produce eternal fruit, impacting lives for His kingdom.
Friday Devotional: The Call to Love
Scripture Reading: John 15:17
"These things I command you, that you love one another."
As we conclude our weekly devotions, the command of Jesus to love one another resonates as a divine mandate. This love is active, choosing daily to seek the best for others as Jesus did for us.
Reflect on how you can actively demonstrate this love today. Could it be through forgiveness, a word of encouragement, or a selfless act? Let the love of Christ guide you in all your relationships.
Prayer Prompt: Seek God’s help to love authentically and fervently, reflecting the unconditional love He has shown you.
Reflective Article
See the article on gentlereformation.com entitled “Names, Names, Names”
Automated Transcript
John 15:11-17 – Friendship in Christ
Introduction
Will you please turn in your Bibles with me to John chapter 15. This continues our sermon on friendship. John chapter 15, beginning at verse 11 through verse 17.
You’ll remember last time we got together, we talked about the foundation of friendship being God’s love for us and His command that we love one another.
And so, here in John 15:11-17, we’ll read God’s Word again:
Scripture Reading: John 15:11-17
“These things I have spoken to you, that My joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. These things I command you, that you love one another.”
The grass withers and the flowers fade, but brothers and sisters, the Word of our God endures forever.
Opening Prayer
Let’s pray.
Father, we thank You so much for Your Word, and we pray, Lord, as we have heard Your Word read, that Your Spirit would do a work in our hearts now, that we might receive Your Word, it might take root in our hearts, and that we might bear good fruit to love one another as You have loved us. Lord, only Your Spirit can do this. So please help us, Lord. Make Your Word effectual in our lives. In Jesus’ name, amen.
Continuation of Sermon: Friendship in the Church
Well, we’re picking up halfway through the sermon. If you have your sermon outline, we’ve already covered the foundations—that was last week—the love that God has shown us, specifically in Christ Jesus.
Now we get into the nitty-gritty: How do we work in friendships in the church? How do we cultivate those friendships? How do we maintain them?
Point 3: Caring for One Another
We need to care for others. Christian friendship is built on love, but it’s not just a sentimental feeling love. It’s not just a binding in Christ, but a love that works itself out in caring for others.
Jesus showed this clearly in His life. Not only did Jesus care for many people who were sick, needy, or hungry—He cared for them physically—but we remember in John 11, when Jesus was close friends with Mary, Martha, and Lazarus, and Lazarus died.
When Jesus came to Lazarus’ tomb, we find the shortest verse in the English Bible, verse 35: “Jesus wept.”
The Jews around noticed this in verse 36. They looked at Jesus and His reaction to Lazarus weeping. And notice what they said: “See how He loved him.”
John writes this to let us know that even the Jewish people around could tell that Jesus was friends with Lazarus and He loved him as a friend. He wept with him, and people could see His love.
Jesus models that love for us time and time again.
In Mark 10:45, Jesus says, “For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many.”
Part of being a good friend to others inside the Christian community is to serve them like Jesus served the church.
But Jesus didn’t just say this in a vacuum. Jesus said this as He was washing His disciples’ dirty, nasty, stinky feet.
He saw a need that they had—that they weren’t shown this custom, this ordinary custom—that when somebody walked into a house during this time in life... I mean, you wore sandals, and it was dirty, and you were sweaty, and your feet...
It’s similar to when I was in India. When you walk into a house in India, you don’t wear your shoes inside the house because you know what you walked in on the street.
So you take your shoes off before you walk in. Well, if you’re wearing sandals, what do you got to do? You can’t just take your sandals off. You’ve got to wash your feet too.
And normally there’d be a servant there washing their feet.
Nobody does this for His Jewish disciples. And so what does Jesus do?
Jesus sees their need, and He serves them. He washes His disciples’ feet in John chapter 13.
But Jesus does more than just that. Even when He is about to be betrayed and He’s about to die, in John chapter 17, Jesus shows how much of a friend He is.
Even though He’s facing death, Jesus prays for His friends.
We’re in John chapter 15 here, but this is right before Jesus is going to die. And before Jesus actually goes to the cross, He’s got something on His mind.
And what’s on His mind is His friends, His disciples.
And so He prays for them.
I’d encourage you sometimes—think about how Jesus thinks about His disciples as friends—maybe this afternoon or this evening, and go read John chapter 17 and see the love that Jesus has for them in His prayer.
Well, this model of caring for others shows itself out, and especially praying for others, not just in Jesus, but also in Paul’s model.
Paul shows us his model of prayerful love and caring for the people and his friends in Ephesus.
Ephesians 1:15-16, Paul says, “Therefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus and your love for all the saints, do not cease to give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers.”
Paul loves the people in Ephesus. He was their pastor, their missionary pastor, for a number of years.
And he prays for them regularly as he’s encouraged by their faith growing.
But not just Ephesus—if we get to the book of Philippians, chapter 1, verse 3, we find Paul doing the same thing again.
Paul was not just a hit-and-run missionary. He wasn’t just going to come into a town, share the gospel, and leave.
He established relationships with people.
And we find that in Philippians 1, verses 3 and 4: “I thank my God upon every remembrance of you, always in every prayer of mine making request for you all with joy.”
Even though they may be far away, Paul keeps this bond, this friendship with the people in Philippi, letting them know, “Hey, I keep hearing about things that are going on with you, and I’m thanking God for what’s going on in your life.”
He’s praying for them, remembering them.
He does the same with the people in Colossae. Colossians 1:3: “We give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, praying always for you.”
I can’t tell you how much it means to me when some of you, my friends in the congregation, will just send me a quick text message and say, “Hey, I was praying for you today.”
It means a lot to people when you just let them know, “Hey, I’m praying for you.” Or ask me, “How can I be praying for you?”
But why? Because this is showing the compassion of Jesus.
Paul goes on in Philippians 1, verse 8, with having the compassion of Christ, and he says, “For God is my witness, how greatly I long for you all with the affection of Christ Jesus.”
Christian friendship is based on caring for one another that comes from a heartfelt compassion.
This is like feeling it down in your kidneys.
This is my favorite Greek word, splagchnon, right?
This is loving each other truly—not just like, “Hey, it’s nice to see you,” right? Not that type of friendship, but really loving each other type friendship.
I think I’ll warn you: there are companions who are critics and there are friends who are compassionate.
I need to warn you here, because you know what it’s like for people who seem like they have compassion, but really they just like to be with people because they want to put in their two cents.
We get a great picture of this with Job’s friends, don’t we? We get his three companions who come alongside him, and they’re there for a certain amount of time.
But eventually, their patience wears off. And then it becomes the critiquing of every single thing he must have done wrong in his life.
They may be his companions, they may be there with him, but they certainly aren’t acting like his friends.
If you’re going to be friends with someone, you’ve got to watch that your tendency may be towards being highly critical. You may be too judgmental.
We may even be those types of people who are just… we’re too quick to voice our own opinions about stuff.
Good friends know what it’s like to temper their tongue a little bit. Why? Because we want to be those who are an encouragement.
If you’re going to be a good Christian friend, that looks like being one who is about encouraging and imparting grace.
That’s Ephesians 4:29: “Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers.”
Now I want to highlight a specific word there. One is we want to encourage people, yes. We want to impart grace to people, yes.
But notice the phrase there in Ephesians 4:29: “but what is good for necessary edification.”
You may have words that you think you want to say to someone because you want to build them up.
But it may not be necessary. That may not be what they need at that moment.
They may need you just to be there and weep with them, just to be there and encourage them.
Now, this doesn’t mean you’re not ever going to say anything hard.
Actually, one of my favorite examples of this, of doing this well, is actually Kyle Borg, the pastor of Winchester, Kansas.
Every once in a while, when I’m with him, he’ll be talking, and I’ll say, “Now I’m going to say something to you, and it’s going to be really hard.”
And he’ll just let me know that: “I’m about to critique you, and you may not like it. But I need you to know that I love you. So I’m saying this because I want to build you up.”
And so it doesn’t mean that you don’t ever say anything hard. Sometimes you need to, but you need to make sure that it’s seasoned with grace and encouragement.
If you’re going to be a good Christian friend, it doesn’t mean that you just brush their sin underneath the rug either. That’s not what Ephesians 4:29 is talking about.
It also doesn’t mean that you have to lose your spine of biblical conviction. To be somebody’s friend doesn’t mean you have to give up on what the Bible teaches. That’s not what Ephesians 4:29 is saying either.
But it does mean we need to check our tongues sometimes. Sometimes it means that we need to check our tone.
One of the things we’re often working on in our family—and this goes for me too, just this morning—how you say something can be almost as important as what you say.
This morning I wounded one of our kids’ hearts just by asking the question, “What?” in the wrong tone. I wasn’t mad at the child, I wasn’t trying to tear them down, but boy, it put the kid in a tailspin for about an hour.
So we’ve got to be careful with our tone.
It means if we’re going to be friends who are about encouragement and imparting grace, we need to be able to check our motives. Why am I saying or doing what I’m about to say or do? Is it actually to impart grace? Am I actually giving them necessary edification?
It means that when we have things to say, that they’re for the glory of God and the good of the person who we’re talking to.
So we need to be encouragements to each other, imparting grace to one another, but being a Christian friend also sometimes means sticking your neck out for them. It might also mean being willing to risk for each other.
It’s what Paul commends Priscilla and Aquila for in Romans chapter 16. Paul says in Romans 16, specifically verse 4, that they “risked their own necks for my life, to whom not only I give thanks, but also all the churches of the Gentiles.”
Paul knew that Priscilla and Aquila were true friends because they were willing to stick out their necks for him. They were willing to risk for him.
And the same thing happened in Philippians chapter 2 with Epaphroditus. Epaphroditus is sent by the church of Philippi to go to minister to Paul. And something happened on that trip.
In verse 26, he says, “Epaphroditus was longing for you all, Philippians, and he was distressed because you had heard that he was sick. For indeed he was sick almost unto death, but God had mercy on him, and not only on him but on me also, lest I should have sorrow upon sorrow.”
And then in verse 30, Paul writes, “Because for the work of Christ he came close to death, not regarding his life, to supply what was lacking in your service toward me.”
Paul specifically held up Epaphroditus as a true servant and a true friend. Why? Because he was willing to stick out his neck.
He was willing to go on a hard journey. He was willing to take these funds to Paul that the people loved, so he could continue on with gospel ministry. And it proved Epaphroditus’ love.
So we need to be those who are willing to care for one another in practical ways.
Point 4: Taking a Genuine Interest in Others
We need to take a genuine interest in one another.
Now, there’s a thing that kind of happens in reformed churches. You may have experienced this, where instead of being friends, you’re kind of like co-combatants in theology.
It’s like, we’re here because we’ve got the right theology and we’ve got to fight everyone else who doesn’t. That may stick you together for a little while, but it’s not a glue of friendship that’s going to last for the entire duration.
Now, I’m going to encourage you, yes, talk about theology. Talk about the depths of theology. Go to Sunday school and talk about all these things. But also, know each other’s kids’ names.
Know what people in the church do for work. Know about their families. Know about their hobbies.
Be curious about them. Cultivate the art of being a good listener. Find out about who they are and the things that they love. What are they good at?
That’s one of the ways that we cultivate good Christian friendships.
But also, share your lives with one another. I’m going to pick this up in a minute in the next point, but part of building a friendship with people in the church means, especially in a church like ours where people are commuting from long distances, sometimes it means you’ve got to put some miles on the tires and you’ve got to go see some friends.
You’ve got to actually put a date on the calendar and say, “Hey, we’re coming over for a barbecue on such-and-such date,” right? You’ve got to actually make an effort for those friendships.
So share your lives with one another.
But I’m going to warn you here: as you share your lives with one another, as you get to know one another and spend time with one another, as people open up to you, they’ll tell you things about themselves.
And this opens the door to something very dangerous. And that’s something that is in each of our hearts, something we could be tempted to do: gossip.
Nothing will destroy your friendship with someone more than becoming a talebearer or a whisperer.
If you want to be somebody’s friend, but then you want to whisper about them behind their back, it’s going to destroy the friendship.
Proverbs 16:28 says, “A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer separates the best of friends.”
If you’re the type of person who’s whispering behind people’s backs, it tears apart friendships.
Point 5: Know Each Other’s Names
And this is the next point I want to bring up, which I think is important: know each other’s names.
I’m always shocked when we get to the Bible and we see passages like Romans chapter 16. You know, the one with the whole list of names: “Greet this person, greet that person, greet this person,” right?
And then we get to the next book, 1 Corinthians 16, and it ends the same way: “Greet this person, and this person, and this person, and this person.”
And if you’re like me, sometimes your eyes start glazing over, and you think, “I can just skim this chapter.”
But how did Paul remember all those people’s names? How did Paul remember those people—not just in Rome, not just in Corinth, but also in Ephesus?
2 Timothy chapter 4 does the same thing, as well as in Colossae, Colossians chapter 4.
Time and time again, the Apostle Paul speaks of people by name, greeting them by name.
How did he know their names?
Not only did he know their names, but he remembered them years later because he was friends with them. Because he loved them. Because he cared about them.
If you were to leave the church, move to another state, and give it ten years, could you write a letter back to somebody in this congregation and say, “Greet” and then list at least ten names by name?
Are we developing those relationships?
This is not just biblical wisdom. I think the world even knows this type of wisdom. Dale Carnegie, in one of his books, writes, “Remember that a person’s name is, to that person, the sweetest and most important sound in any language.”
You know what it’s like when somebody calls you by the wrong name.
Or even worse than that, you’ve been talking to them for a while in the church and they just keep calling you “brother” or “sister,” and you start to wonder, “I don’t think they actually know my name.”
It happens in a church. And it’s difficult, right?
Because remembering someone’s name takes time.
Here’s a confession for you.
There was a time I was at Eastvale RP Church, and a visitor came in. I talked to this guy for five to ten minutes. We had a nice, cordial conversation, and then we went to worship.
After worship, he was gone. Micah came up to me—my pastor at the time—and said, “Hey, what was his name?”
And I said, “I don’t know, Micah.”
And Micah just very nicely asked me—and he was kind of pondering out loud, not trying to convict me, but it sure did—he said, “I wonder if we don’t remember people’s names because we don’t actually love them enough.”
And I realized I didn’t even care if that guy came back to church the next week. I remembered a little bit about him, but I didn’t love him enough to actually truly care about him.
Knowing each other’s names is a Christian virtue, and it’s a way that you show that you want to build a bond of friendship with someone.
Know each other’s names.
Even look at the titles of some of the books in the New Testament: Timothy, Titus, Philemon.
Paul knew people’s names.
Do we know each other’s names?
Point 6: Practical Ways to Build Friendships
Now we’re going to get more nitty-gritty about practical ways to build friendships.
First, pray for it. Ask God to bring you friends in the church. He knows that we want friends. We know from our sermon last week that He wants us to have friends.
So pray that prayer, and God will listen.
1 John 5:14 says, “Now this is the confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according to His will, He hears us.”
If we know this is something God wants for us and we pray for it, then I believe God will hear that prayer. Maybe not in the timing we want, maybe not in the way we want, maybe not even the friend we think we want. He may provide a different friend that we weren’t even looking for.
Second, come to church.
One of the great ways to build friendships in the church is by regularly attending church.
Weekly worship together. Hebrews 10:24-25: “And let us consider one another in order to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting one another, and so much the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Don’t forsake the gathering.
It’s easy to get into the habit of not coming to worship. It’s easy to get into the habit of coming to worship but not expecting to encourage one another and stir one another up toward love and good deeds.
It’s easy to make church something you consume rather than a body that you’re building into.
So stick around. Stay for a meal. If you see people at the back of the church or in the aisles, and there’s a group of people just talking, and you don’t know how—maybe you’re thinking, “I want to go talk to those people, but I don’t know how.” Just go stand on the edge of the circle and wait a little while.
Eventually, somebody will say, “Hey, Bob, what do you think about this?” And they’ll invite you in.
I don’t think there’s a Bob in the congregation, which is why I’m using that name, right?
But the point is, people want you to be a part of the conversation, so stick around.
And it may be scary. Sometimes making friends with people you don’t know can be really scary. That’s okay.
Ask God for the opportunity and ask God for the courage to step into those friendships.
Third, be friendly.
This might sound silly, but I think there’s biblical warrant for it. If you want to have friends in the church, be friendly.
You might say, “How can you possibly have biblical warrant for that statement?” Be friendly.
Oh, I’m glad you asked.
Proverbs 18:24 says, “A man who has friends must himself be friendly, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.”
If you want to have friends, God gives us the simple wisdom that we need to be friendly ourselves.
But then that friendship can turn into such a way that you end up with a friend who will stick closer than a brother.
Jesus proved that to be true in that He was willing to even lay down His life for His friends.
See, the truth is it’s hard to be friends with a curmudgeon. It’s not totally impossible, but it is difficult.
So how do you be friendly? Smile at people.
Smile at people. It makes you approachable.
And you might say, “Well, here’s just Brian going off on whatever, right?”
No, hold on. Proverbs, again—it’s a very practical book. Proverbs 15:13: “A merry heart makes a cheerful countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken.”
It’s hard to be around somebody who’s always dour. It’s just difficult.
And I know some of us have natural dispositions where it’s just hard to be around. Some of you—especially if you’re in pain—it’s hard to smile, right? I get it.
I’m not telling you to brush that underneath the rug or just ignore it. But try to smile, and people may want to come around you more.
Another suggestion—this is not the Bible; this is just Brian: Maybe sometimes we’re really good at talking about theology but not so good about just giving each other encouragement, giving each other compliments.
I’m not talking about vain flattery, right? But if somebody does a good job, encourage them.
Lastly on this point about being friendly, I’m just going to encourage you: Another way to be friendly is don’t wait for others to reach out to you. Be proactive if you want to have friends in the church.
Do Things Together
Another way to build friendships is simple: Do things together.
Do you have shared hobbies? Do your hobbies together.
Are there shared interests? Do you like to do crafts? By all means, start a crafting group.
Ask somebody to go quilting with you or visit quilting stores or help you do whatever quilting people do—I don’t know what you guys do—but have those groups, do those things.
If there are certain topics you’re interested in, go to conferences together, go to lectures together.
If you hear about something going on and you’re into a certain genre of music, and you know somebody else in the church is into that same genre, ask them if they want to go to that concert with you.
Go to outings together. Invite people to go watch that movie with you. Have a game night at your house.
There are plenty of ways to encourage interaction and friendship with each other.
A biblical example of this is hospitality. The Greek word for hospitality is philoxenia, meaning “love of the stranger.”
If you’re trying to make a friend with someone who’s a stranger, one of the things you can do is invite them over to your house.
Have them over for a meal. Invite them over for dinner.
These are just some practical things you can do for building friendships.
Sharing in One Another’s Needs
But I’m also going to encourage you to share in one another’s needs.
Friendship is a vulnerable relationship that goes two ways. Nobody wants to be the friend of someone who’s constantly wanting, wanting, wanting, taking, taking, taking.
But sometimes it’s also hard to be friends with someone who never actually opens up and lets you help them.
Vulnerability in Christian friendship is seen all throughout the Bible.
Sometimes we have to open up about the difficulties we’re facing. That’s hard, and it can be scary, but it’s one of the ways God deepens our relationships.
There’s a book written on biblical counseling that lists keys to friendship. One of those keys is helping others verbalize their feelings as you come into relationships with others.
Step into the mess.
If you sense someone is hurting, ask, “What’s going on?”
You know, when I wounded one of my kids this morning, someone in the congregation noticed they were sad and said, “It looks like you’re having a hard day.”
You may think that’s a small thing, but it shows another person that you’re compassionate, that you’ve noticed their countenance is downcast, and that you want to step in.
That person gave this child a hug, just to let them know, “Hey, I’m here for you.”
Ask people, “Has something difficult happened lately? It seems like you’re a little off. What’s going on?”
“How do you feel about what’s going on in your job? It seems like that would be difficult. I wouldn’t want to deal with that. What’s going on?”
You might even just make the simplest statement: “I want you to know that I care for you.”
Proverbs 27:9 says, “Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness of one’s friend springs from his earnest counsel.”
There’s a pleasantness that wells up as friends encourage us with their counsel.
One of the other things that God gives us in Christian friendship is found in Romans 12:15, which tells us that we get to suffer with one another, but we also get to rejoice with each other.
Romans 12:15 says, “Rejoice with those who rejoice, and weep with those who weep.”
Paul is writing to the church in Rome, and he wants them to have these kinds of relationships with each other. Whether they’re Jew or Gentile, they’re now one family, saved by grace, with that same spirit of adoption in their hearts that cries out, “Abba, Father.”
And so, when something worth celebrating happens in their life, their friends in the church come around, they celebrate, and they rejoice with them.
But when there are hard things—grieving things, weeping things—friends are also able to come alongside and weep with those who weep.
So, suffer and rejoice with one another.
Point 7: Praying Regularly for Each Other
Another practical note: praying regularly for each other.
You know, when the Lord gives us the Lord’s Prayer, it’s not “My Father who is in heaven, hallowed be Your name. Give me this day my daily bread.”
It doesn’t use the first-person singular. It uses the plural.
“Our Father who is in heaven, give us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our transgressions.”
When we pray regularly for one another, we remember that bond of friendship.
So how can you do this practically?
On the back, by the sign-in table—if there’s a guestbook back there—there are a whole bunch of prayer calendars.
Pick up a prayer calendar and just work through it.
Remember people in the church. Make a prayer list. Pray through the church directory. The point is to pray with and for one another.
Point 8: Staying in Contact with Each Other
Eighth practical step of friendship: stay in contact with each other.
We’ve already talked about visiting one another and doing things together, but sometimes you don’t have the time, and that’s okay.
Call the person. Text them. Shoot them an email. Whatever it takes.
I don’t know—maybe some of you are Snapchat type people. I don’t know what you do, but reach out to people and let them know, “Hey, I’m thinking about you. How are you doing?”
Or maybe you see something online that makes you think of them—like a funny video or a good meme. Share it with them. Let them laugh with you.
It doesn’t always have to be deep, theological conversation. Sometimes it’s just about sharing life’s little joys.
Reality Check: Not Everyone Will Be Your Friend
Now, I want to end with this reality check.
We’ve been talking a lot about friendship over these last two weeks. There’s a lot of joy in it, and it’s a beautiful gift from God.
But the reality is, you’re not going to be friends with everyone in the church.
Why? Because personalities don’t always match perfectly.
You can’t be best friends with everyone in the church, or else no one would actually be your best friend.
Friendship Costs
Another reality check: Friendship costs.
There are two extremely valuable resources in this life: time and money.
And one of them you can never make more of. You’ll never make more time.
The Lord sets how much you have. And when you decide you want to make a friend with someone, you need to count the cost.
It’s going to cost you something you can never get back—your time. But it’s worth it.
Not Everyone Will Like You
Another reality check: You can’t expect everyone in the church to like you, either.
Let’s just be honest.
I don’t like myself a lot of the time, and my wife doesn’t always like me, either. Why would I expect all of you to like me?
You don’t need everybody in the church to like you.
But if you have just a couple of friends who encourage you and share grace with you, that’s enough.
Friendships Change
Understand that friendships don’t stay stagnant. Relationships mold, change, and morph over time.
There are some people you’ll be closer to in one season and less close to in another season.
And that’s not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes the Lord brings us friends who are strong, and we desperately needed them in a particular time of life.
They were a gift from God to us.
But then they get busy. Life changes. Or maybe they move away.
And that’s understandable.
Looking for Fulfillment in Friendships
Finally, another warning: You might have a temptation in friendship to try to find in others, horizontally, what you can only find vertically with God.
You cannot have all your worldly needs fulfilled by friends.
Thank the Lord for Jesus.
Don’t look to your friends to satisfy all your needs for love, significance, or security. That type of identity, peace, and security can only come from Christ.
Conclusion: Friendship as a Gift from God
So, I want to just end this long, two-part sermon on friendship with an encouragement.
Friendship is a gift from God.
Friendship in the church is a blessing from God Himself.
It’s so beautiful when brothers and sisters in the church dwell together in unity.
The picture that God gives us of this in the Psalms is in Psalm 133:
“Behold, how good and how pleasant it is for brethren to dwell together in unity! It is like the precious oil upon the head, running down on the beard, the beard of Aaron, running down on the edge of his garments.”
Why is that imagery so striking? Because Aaron’s anointing was the high point in Old Testament worship. It signified reconciliation with God.
And when brothers and sisters in the church dwell together in unity, it shows that the vertical reconciliation we have with God is working itself out horizontally among us.
So strive to have Christian friends. Pray for Christian friends. Do what you need to do to cultivate those friendships.
And when the Lord gives you those friendships, thank Him, because they are a blessing from Him.
Closing Prayer
Let’s pray.
Lord, we thank You that You have not treated us like a tyrant over servants, but You have given us Your Son, and our Lord calls us friends.
Lord, we pray that You would help us. Fill us with Your Spirit in such a way that we would love one another.
Lord, we pray that You would cultivate deep friendships in the church.
We pray that there would be friendships cultivated within the various generations—children with children, midlife with midlife, and elderly with elderly—but also cross-generational as well.
Lord, we pray that You would develop friendships, mentor relationships, that would encourage.
Lord, we pray that You would please give us the blessing of having Christian friendships even in this congregation.
We pray these things in Jesus’ name. Amen.