John 15:12-17

Friendship - Part 2

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Sermon Text

John 15:12-17

12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.
The New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982), Jn 15:12–17.

Sermon Summary

Introduction: We explore the rich theme of Christian friendship through John 15:11-17, where Jesus teaches us the transformative power of divine love. As we reflect on His command to love one another and His example of sacrificial love, we are invited to deepen our relationships within the church and beyond. Join us as we learn how to live out these principles in our everyday interactions.

Care for Others

Jesus's Love for Lazarus
- Jesus wept, showing his love (John 11:35-36).
Jesus's Model
- Jesus served, not to be served (Mark 10:45).
- Jesus washed his disciples' feet (John 13:1-17).
Paul's Model
- Paul prayed for and thanked others (Ephesians 1:15–16, Philippians 1:3–11, Colossians 1:3).
Compassion of Christ
- Have compassion, not criticism (Philippians 1:8).
- Avoid being like Job's critical friends.
- Encourage and impart grace (Ephesians 4:29).
Be Willing to Risk for Each Other
- Examples from Romans 16 and Philippians 2.
Genuine Interest in Others
- Not Just Theological
  - Get to know each other personally.
- Warning Against Gossip
  - Gossip divides and sows distrust.
  - Know each other's names.
- Practical Ways to Build Friendships
  - Ask God for a Friend (1 John 5:14).
  - Worship Weekly (Hebrews 10:24–25).
  - Be Friendly
    - Smile, give genuine compliments.
    - Don’t wait for others to reach out.
  - Do Things Together
    - Share hobbies, outings, entertainment.
  - Sharing Needs
    - Be vulnerable and offer support.
  - Suffering Together
    - Weep and rejoice with others.
  - Praying Regularly
    - Pray with and for others.
  - Stay in Contact
    - Text, call, email, encourage.
  - Reality Check
    - Understand limitations and changes in relationships.
    - Guard against idolatry in friendships.

Sample Bible Study

Cultivating Christian Friendships - John 15:11-17

1. Biblical Theme:

John 15:12-13: "This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends."
- Discussion: Explore the depth of Jesus's love and how it shapes our understanding of friendship.

2. Historical Context:

Understand the societal norms of Jesus's time regarding friendship and service, such as foot washing, to appreciate the radical nature of Jesus’s actions and teachings.

3. Practical Applications:

Serving Others: Emphasize practical ways to serve within the church community, reflecting Jesus’s servant leadership.
Prayerful Support: Encourage forming prayer groups that focus on interceding for each other’s spiritual and physical needs.

4. Theological References:

Westminster Confession of Faith: Chapter 26 discusses the communion of saints, highlighting the importance of fellowship and the duties Christians owe to each other, such as love and service.
Westminster Larger Catechism: Q. 133 elaborates on the commandment of loving our neighbor, explaining the spiritual and practical aspects of such love in a community.
Westminster Shorter Catechism: Q. 42 focuses on the summary of the ten commandments which is encapsulated in loving God and our neighbors, underpinning Christian friendships.

5. Conclusion:

Summarize the study by reiterating the call to action based on Jesus’s model of friendship. Encourage participants to consider ways they can strengthen or build friendships that reflect biblical principles.

Closing Prayer: Focus on asking God to deepen the community's commitment to living out the gospel through authentic and sacrificial friendships.

Weekday Devotionals

Monday Devotional: The Joy of Divine Friendship

Scripture Reading: John 15:11-13

"Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends."

As we embark on this week's reflection, let us ponder the profound love demonstrated by Christ. He calls us friends, not servants, revealing the depths of His love through the ultimate sacrifice on the cross. This friendship with Christ is the cornerstone of our joy, a joy that He desires to be full and complete within us.

Consider how the love of Jesus shapes your interactions and friendships. Are they marked by sacrificial love and deep commitment? Reflect on how you might embody this divine example in your daily interactions.

Prayer Prompt: Pray that God would deepen your understanding of His sacrificial love and empower you to love others with the same depth and sincerity.

Tuesday Devotional: The Servant’s Heart

Scripture Reading: John 13:14-15

"If I then, your Lord and Teacher, have washed your feet, you also ought to wash one another’s feet."

In our pursuit of godly friendships, service is not merely an act but a heart posture that Jesus modeled perfectly. He, the King of Kings, stooped to wash the feet of His disciples, displaying humility and service that transcends human pride and position.

Today, meditate on ways you can serve those God has placed in your life. How can you wash their feet in the modern context? Perhaps through acts of kindness, listening when no one else will, or providing support during difficult times.

Prayer Prompt: Ask the Lord to cultivate a servant's heart within you, one that delights in serving others as Christ served His disciples.

Wednesday Devotional: The Ministry of Intercession

Scripture Reading: John 17:9-10

"I pray for them. I do not pray for the world but for those whom You have given Me, for they are Yours."

Christ’s prayer for His disciples before His crucifixion is a powerful reminder of the importance of intercessory prayer in Christian friendship. He interceded for their unity, protection, and sanctification.

Reflect on your prayer life: Are you regularly lifting up your friends in prayer, standing in the gap for them as Jesus did? Consider how you might incorporate more intentional prayer for others in your daily routine.

Prayer Prompt: Commit to praying for a friend or community member this week, asking God to meet their specific needs and to bless them spiritually and physically.

Thursday Devotional: Bearing Fruit in Friendship

Scripture Reading: John 15:16

"You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain."

Friendship in the Christian context is not an end in itself but a means through which we bear lasting fruit. This fruit manifests through love, joy, peace, and the other fruits of the Spirit, influencing and enriching the community.

Today, contemplate the fruitfulness of your relationships. Are they drawing you closer to God and others in a meaningful way? Seek ways to foster growth and lasting impact through your interactions.

Prayer Prompt: Pray that God would use your friendships to produce eternal fruit, impacting lives for His kingdom.

Friday Devotional: The Call to Love

Scripture Reading: John 15:17

"These things I command you, that you love one another."

As we conclude our weekly devotions, the command of Jesus to love one another resonates as a divine mandate. This love is active, choosing daily to seek the best for others as Jesus did for us.

Reflect on how you can actively demonstrate this love today. Could it be through forgiveness, a word of encouragement, or a selfless act? Let the love of Christ guide you in all your relationships.

Prayer Prompt: Seek God’s help to love authentically and fervently, reflecting the unconditional love He has shown you.

Reflective Article

See the article on gentlereformation.com entitled “Names, Names, Names”

Automated Transcript

Will you please turn in your

Bibles with me too. We're going to do John chapter

15. John chapter 15. This continues

our sermon on friendship. John chapter 15 beginning at

verse 11 through verse 17. John chapter 15, verse 11 through

17. You'll remember last time we

got together, we talked about the foundation of friendship

being God's love for us and His command that we love one another.

And so here in John chapter 15, verses 11 through 17, we'll read

God's Word again. These things I have spoken to

you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be

full. This is my commandment, that

you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no

one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You

are my friends. If you do whatever I command,

No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what

his master is doing. But I have called you friends,

for all things that I heard from my father I have made known to

you. You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you. You should bear fruit. and that

your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in

my name, He may give you. These things I command you, that

you love one another. The grass withers and the flowers

fade, but brothers and sisters, the word of our God endures forever. Let's pray. Father, we thank

you so much for your word, and we pray, Lord, as we have heard

your word read, we pray that your Spirit would do a work in

our hearts now, that we might receive your word, it might take

root in our hearts, and that we might bear good fruit to love

one another as you have loved us. Lord, only your spirit can

do this. So please help us, Lord, make

your word effectual in our lives. In Jesus' name, amen. Well, we're

picking up halfway through the sermon, and so if you have your

sermon outlined, we've already kind of covered the foundations.

That was last week of the love that God has shown us, specifically

in Christ Jesus. And now we get into kind of the

nitty-gritty of how do we work in friendships in the church?

How do we cultivate those friendships? How do we maintain those friendships? And so first we come to the third

point in the sermon, continuing off the last time, that we need

to care for one another. We need to care for others. Christian

friendship is built on this love, but it's not just a sentimental

feeling love. It's not just a binding in Christ,

but it's a love that actually works itself out in caring for

others. Jesus showed this really clear

in his life. Not only did Jesus care for so

many people who were sick and who were needy, who were hungry,

and he cared for them physically, But we remember Jesus in John

chapter 11, when He was close friends with Mary and Martha

and their brother Lazarus, and Lazarus died. And when Jesus

came to Lazarus' tomb, the shortest verse in the English Bible, verse

35, Jesus wept. And the Jews around there noticed

this in verse 36. They looked at Jesus and His

reaction to Lazarus' weeping. And notice what they say, see

how he loved him. John writes this to let us know

that even the Jewish people around could tell that Jesus was friends

with Lazarus and he loved him as a friend. He wept with him

and people could see his love. Jesus models that love for us

time and time again. In Mark chapter 10 verse 45,

Jesus says, for even the Son of Man did not come to be served,

but to serve, and to give His life a ransom for many. Part of being a good friend to

others inside the Christian community is to serve them like Jesus served

the church. But Jesus didn't just say this

in a vacuum. Jesus said this as He was washing

His disciples' dirty, nasty, stinky feet. He saw a need that

they had, that they weren't shown this custom, this ordinary custom,

that when somebody walked into a house during this time in life... I mean, you wore sandals, and

it was dirty, and you were sweaty, and your feet... It's similar

to when I was in India. When you walk into a house in

India, you don't wear your shoes inside the house. Because you

know what you walked in in the street. So you take your shoes

off before you walk in. Well, if you're wearing sandals,

what do you got to do? You can't just take your sandals off. You

got to wash your feet too. And normally there'd be a servant

there washing their feet. Nobody does this for his Jewish

disciples. And so what does Jesus do? Jesus

sees their need and he serves them. He washes his disciples'

feet in John chapter 13. But Jesus does more than just

that. Even when He is about to be betrayed

and He's about to die, in John chapter 17, Jesus shows how much

of a friend He is, that even though He's facing death, Jesus

prays for His friends. We're in John chapter 15 here,

but this is right before Jesus is going to die. And before Jesus

actually goes to the cross, He's got something on His mind. And

what's on His mind is His friends, His disciples. And so He prays

for them. I'd encourage you sometimes, think about how Jesus thinks

about his disciples as friends, maybe this afternoon or this

evening, and go read John chapter 17 and see the love that Jesus

has for them in his prayer. Well, this model of caring for

others shows itself out, and especially praying for others,

not just in Jesus, but also in Paul's model. Paul shows us his

model of prayerful love and caring for the people and his friends

in Ephesus. Ephesians 1.15-16 Paul says,

Therefore I also, after I heard of your faith in the Lord Jesus

Christ and your love for all the saints, I do not cease to

give thanks for you, making mention of you in my prayers. Paul loves

the people in Ephesus. He was their pastor, their missionary

pastor, for a number of years. And he prays for them regularly

as he's encouraged by their faith growing. But not just Ephesus,

if we get to the book of Philippians, chapter 1, verse 3, we find Paul

doing the same thing again. Paul was not just a hit-and-run

missionary. He wasn't just going to come

into a town, share the gospel, and leave. He established relationships

with people. And we find that in Philippians

1, verse 3 and 4. I thank my God upon every remembrance

of you, always in every prayer, making requests for you all with

joy. Even though they may be far away,

Paul keeps this bond, this friendship with the people in Philippi,

letting them know, hey, I keep hearing about things that are

going on with you, and I'm thanking God for what's going on in your

life. He's praying for them, remembering them. He does the

same with the people in Colossae. Colossians chapter one, verse

three. We give thanks to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus

Christ, praying always for you. I can't tell you how much it

means to me when some of you, my friends in the congregation,

will just send me a quick text message and say, hey, I was praying

for you today. It means a lot to people when

you just let them know, hey, I'm praying for you. Or ask me,

how can I be praying for you? But why? Because this is showing

the compassion of Jesus. Paul goes on in Philippians 1,

verse 8, with having the compassion of Christ, and he says, For God

is my witness, how I greatly long for you all with the affection

of Christ Jesus. Christian friendship is based

on caring for one another that comes from a heartfelt compassion. This is like feeling it down

in your kidneys. This is my favorite Greek word,

splachnon, right? This is loving each other truly,

not just like, hey, it's nice to see you, right? Not that type

of friendship, but really loving each other type friendship. I

think I'll warn you, there are companions who are critics and

there are friends who are compassionate. I need to warn you here, because

you know what it's like for people who seem like they have compassion,

but really they just like to be with people because they want

to put in their two cents. We get a great picture of this

with Job's friends, don't we? We get his three companions who

come alongside him, and they're there for a certain amount of

time, but eventually their patience wears off. And then it becomes

the critiquing of every single thing he must have done wrong

in his life. They may be his companions, they

may be there with him, but they certainly aren't acting like

his friends. If you're going to be friends with someone, you've

got to watch that your tendency may be towards being highly critical.

You may be too judgmental. We may be even those types of

people who are just... We're too quick to voice our own opinions

about stuff. Good friends know what it's like

to temper their tongue a little bit. Why? Because we want to

be those who are an encouragement. If you're going to be a good

Christian friend, that looks like being one who is about encouraging

and imparting grace. That's Ephesians 4.29. Let no

corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary

edification, that it might impart grace to the hearers. Now I want

to highlight a specific word there. One is we want to encourage

people, yes. We want to impart grace to people,

yes. But notice the phrase there in Ephesians 4.29, but what is

good for necessary edification. You may have words that you think

you want to say to someone because you want to build them up But

it may not be necessary. That may not be what they need

at that moment. They may need you just to be

there and weep with them, just to be there and encourage them.

Now, this doesn't mean you're not ever going to say anything

hard. Actually, one of my favorite examples of this, of doing this

well, is actually Kyle Borg, the pastor of Winchester, Kansas.

Every once in a while, when I'm with him, he'll be talking, and

I'll say, now I'm going to say something to you, and it's going

to be really hard. And he'll just let me know that I'm about

to critique you, and you may not like it. But I need you to

know that I love you. So I'm saying this because I

want to build you up. And so it doesn't mean that you don't

ever say anything hard. Sometimes you need to, but you need to

make sure that it's seasoned with grace and encouragement.

If you're going to be a good Christian friend, it doesn't

mean that you just brush their sin underneath the rug either.

That's not what Ephesians 4.29 is talking about. It also doesn't

mean that you have to lose your spine of biblical conviction.

To be somebody's friend doesn't mean you have to give up on what

the Bible teaches. That's not what Ephesians 4.29

is saying either. But it does mean we need to check our tongues

sometimes. Sometimes it means that we need to check our tone.

One of the things we're often working in our family is, and

this goes for me too just this morning, how you say something

can be almost as important as what you say. This morning I

wounded one of our kids' hearts just by asking the question,

what? In the wrong tone. I wasn't mad at the child, I

wasn't trying to tear them down, but boy, it put the kid in a

tailspin for about an hour. So we've got to be careful with

our tone. It means if we're going to be

friends who are about encouragement and imparting grace, we need

to be able to check our motives. Why am I saying or doing what

I'm about to say or do? Is it actually to impart grace?

Am I actually giving them necessary edification? It means that when

we have things to say, that they're for the glory of God and the

good of the person who we're talking to. So we need to be

encouragements to each other. imparting grace to one another,

but being a Christian friend also sometimes means sticking

your neck out for them. It might also mean being willing

to risk for each other. It's what Paul commends Priscilla

and Aquila for in Romans chapter 16. Paul says in Romans 16, specifically

verse 4, that they risked their own necks

for my life, to whom not only I give thanks, but also all the

churches of the Gentiles." Paul knew that Priscilla and Aquila

were true friends because they were willing to stick out their

necks for him. They were willing to risk for him. And the same

thing happened in Philippians chapter 2 with Epaphroditus.

Epaphroditus is sent by the church of Philippi to go to minister

to Paul, And something happened on that trip in verse 26. He

says, Epaphroditus was longing for you all Philippians, and

he was distressed because you had heard that he was sick. For

indeed he was sick and almost unto death, but God had mercy

on him, and not only on him, but also on me, lest I should

have been swallowed up in sorrow. Because for the work of Christ,

he came close to death, not regarding his own life, to supply what

was lacking in your service to me." Paul specifically held up

Epaphroditus as a true servant and a true friend. Why? Because

he was willing to stick out his neck. He was willing to go on

a hard journey. He was willing to go take these funds to Paul

that the people loved, so he could continue on with gospel

ministry. And it proved Epaphroditus' love. So we need to be those who are

willing to care for one another in practical ways. But also number

four, point number four of the sermon, we need to take a genuine

interest in others. We need to take a genuine interest

in one another. Now, there's a thing that kind

of happens in reformed churches. You may have that you're almost

like, instead of being friends, you're kind of like co-combatants

in theology. It's like, we're here because

we got the right theology and we gotta fight everyone else

who doesn't. It may stick you together for a little while,

but it's not a glue of friendship that's going to last for the

entire duration. Now I'm going to encourage you,

yes, talk about theology, talk about the depths of theology,

go to Sunday school and talk about all these things, but also

know each other's kids names. Know what people's in the church's

jobs are. Know about their families. Know

about their hobbies. Be curious about them. Cultivate

that art of being a good listener. Finding out about who they are

and the things that they love. What are they good at? That's

one of the ways that we cultivate good Christian friendships. But

also share your lives with one another. I'm going to pick this

up in a minute in the next point, but part of building a friendship

with people in the church means, especially in a church like ours

where people are commuting from long distances, sometimes it

means you got to put some miles on the tires and you got to go

see some friends. You got to actually put a date

on the calendar and say, hey, we're coming over for a barbecue

on such date. Right? You got to actually make

an effort for those friendships. So share your lives with one

another. But I'm going to warn you here. that as you share your

lives with one another, as you get to know one another and spend

time with one another, as people open up to you, they tell you

things about themselves that make something very dangerous. And that's something that is

in each of our hearts that we could be tempted to do, and that's

gossip. Nothing will destroy your friendship with someone

more than becoming a tail-bearer or a whisperer. If you want to

be somebody's friend, But then you want to whisper about them

behind their back. It's going to destroy the friendship.

Proverbs 16, verse 28 says, A perverse man sows strife, and a whisperer

separates the best of friends. If you're the type of person

who's whispering behind people's back, it tears apart friendships. And this is one next that I want

to bring up that I think is important. Know each other's names. I'm

always shocked when we get to the Bible, and we get to places

like Romans chapter 16. You know, where it's got the

whole list of names. Greet this person, greet this

person, this person, this person, greet this person, this person.

And then we get to the next book, 1 Corinthians 16, and it ends

the same way. Greet this person, and this person,

and this person, and this person. And if you're like me, sometimes

your eyes start glazing over, and you just realize, I think

I can just skim this chapter. How did Paul remember all those

people's names? How did Paul remember those people?

Not just in Rome, not just in Corinth, but also in Ephesus,

2 Timothy chapter 4 does the same thing, as well as in Colossae,

Colossians chapter 4. Time and time again, the Apostle

Paul speaks of people by name, greeting them by name. How did

he know their names? Nonetheless, know their names

and remember them years later, because he was friends with them,

because he loved them, because he cared about them. If you were

to leave the church, you move to another state, give it 10

years, could you write a letter back to somebody in this congregation

and say, greet and list at least 10 names by name? Are we developing

those relationships? This is not just biblical wisdom.

I think there's even just the world knows this type of wisdom.

Dale Carnegie in one of his books writes, remember that a person's

name is to that person the sweetest and most important sound in any

language. You know what it's like when

somebody calls you by the wrong name. Or even worse than that,

you've been talking to them for a while in the church and they

just keep calling you brother or sister and you sit there after a while

and you're like, I wonder if they actually know my name. It happens in a church. And it's

difficult, right? Because remembering someone's

name takes time. This is a confession for you.

There was a time in which I was at Eastville RP Church, and there

was a visitor who came in, and I talked to this guy for like

5-10 minutes. We had a nice cordial conversation,

and we went to worship. After worship, he was gone. Micah

came up to me, my pastor, and said, Hey, what was his name?

I said, I don't know, Micah. And Mike had just very nicely

asked me, and he was just kind of asking out loud, pondering,

not trying to convict me, but it sure did. He said, I wonder

if we don't remember people's names because we don't actually

love them enough. And I realized I didn't even

care if that guy came back to church the next week. I remembered

a little bit about him, but I didn't love him enough to actually truly

care about him. Knowing each other's names is

a Christian virtue, and it's a way that you show that you

want to build a bond of friendship with someone. Know each other's

names. Even just look at the titles

of some of the books in the New Testament. Timothy, Titus, Philemon. Paul knew people's names. Do

we know each other's names? Number five on building friendships

in the church, this is where I'm going to kind of get more

nitty-gritty, is practical ways to build friendships. Number

one, and I think this is a very helpful one, pray for it. Ask

God to bring you friends in the church. He knows that we want friends. We know that from our sermon

last week, He wants us to have friends. And so pray that prayer,

and God will listen. 1 John 5.14. Now this is the

confidence that we have in Him, that if we ask anything according

to His will, He does hear us. If we know that this is something

God wants for us and we pray it, then I believe that God will

hear that prayer. Maybe not in the timing that

we want it, maybe not the way we want it, maybe not even the

friend you think you want. He may provide a different friend

that you weren't even looking for. But secondly, one of the

great ways to build friendships in the church is come to church. Weakly worship together, Hebrews

10, verses 24 and 25, and let us consider one another, in order

to stir up love and good works, not forsaking the assembling

of ourselves together, as is the manner of some, but exhorting

one another, and so much the more as you see the day approaching.

Don't forsake. It's easy to get into the habit

of not coming to worship. It's easy to come into the habit

of just coming to worship, but not expecting to encourage one

another and stir one another up towards love and good deeds.

It's easy to make church something about that you are consuming,

rather than a body that you're building into. So stick around. Stay for a meal. If you see people

at the back of the church or in the aisles, and there's a

group of people and they're just talking, right? And you don't

know how... I want to go talk to those people, but I don't

know how. Just go stand on the edge of the circle and just wait

a little while. And eventually somebody will

say, hey Bob, what do you think about this? And they'll just

invite you in. I don't think there's a Bob in the congregation,

which is why I use that name, right? But the point is, people want

you to be a part of the conversation, so stick around. And it may be

scary. Sometimes making friends with

people you don't know can be really scary. That's okay. Ask God for the opportunity and

ask God for the courage to step into those friendships. But number

three, this might sound silly, but I think there's biblical

warrant for it. Be friendly. If you want to have

friends in the church, be friendly. You might say, how can you possibly

have biblical warrant for that statement? Be friendly. Oh, I'm

glad you asked. Proverbs chapter 18, verse 24. A man who has friends must himself

be friendly. But there is a friend who sticks

closer than a brother. If you want to have friends,

God gives us a simple wisdom that we need to be friendly ourselves.

But then that friendship can turn into such a way that then

you end up with having a friend who will stick even closer than

a brother. Jesus proved that to be true in that he was willing

to even lay down his life for his friends. See, the truth is

it's hard to be friends with a curmudgeon. It's not totally

impossible, but it is difficult. So how do you be friendly? Smile

at people. Smile at people. It makes you

approachable. And you might say, well, here's just Brian going

off on whatever, right? No, hold on. Proverbs chapter,

again, it's a very practical book. A merry heart makes a cheerful

countenance, but by sorrow of the heart, the spirit is broken.

It's hard to be around somebody who's always dour. It's just

difficult. And I know some of us have natural

dispositions where it's just hard to be around. Some of you,

especially if you're in pain, it's hard to smile, right? I

get it. I'm not telling you to brush

that underneath the rug or just ignore it. But try to smile and

people may want to come around you more. Another I would just

suggest to you, and this is not the Bible, this is just Brian.

Maybe sometimes we're really good at talking about theology,

but not so good about just giving each other encouragement. giving

each other compliments. I'm not talking about just vain

flattery, right? But if somebody does a good job,

just encourage them. Lastly on this, on being friendly,

I'm just going to encourage you. Another way to be friendly is

don't wait for others to reach out to you. Be proactive if you

want to have friends in the church. On next, on how do we build practical

ways to make friends, do things together. Do things together. Do you have shared hobbies? Do your hobbies together. Are

there shared interests? Do you like to do crafts? By

all means, start a crafting group. Ask somebody to go quilting with

you, or go visit quilting stores, or help you do whatever quilting

people do. I don't know what you guys do,

but have those groups, do those things. If there's certain topics

that you're interested in, go to conferences together, go to

lectures together. You hear about something going

on. If you're into a certain genre of music and you know somebody

else is in, in the churches into that same genre. Ask them if

they want to go to that concert with you that you want to go

to. Go to outings together. Invite people to go watch that

movie with you. Have a game night at your house.

There are plentiful ways in which you can encourage interaction

and friendship with each other. A biblical one of this is the

word for hospitality in the Greek is xenophilios. Love of the stranger. If you're trying to make a friend

with someone who's a stranger, one of the things you can do

is invite them over to your house. Just have them for a meal. Invite

them over for dinner. So those are just some practical

things you can do for doing together, for building up friends. But

I'm also going to encourage you to share in one another's needs.

Friendship is a vulnerable relationship that goes two ways. Nobody wants

to be the friend of someone who's just constantly wanting, wanting,

wanting, taking, taking, taking, but sometimes it's also hard

to be friends with somebody who doesn't ever actually open up

themselves and lets you help them. Vulnerability in Christian

friendship is seen all throughout the Bible. Sometimes we have

to open up about the difficulties we're facing and that's hard

and it can be scary, but it's one of the ways that God deepens

our relationships. There's a book written on biblical

counseling for keys on friendship. And it lists some of these keys

that I think are helpful to us. Helping others verbalize their

feelings as you come into those relationships with others. Step

into the mess. I get a sense that you're hurting. What's going on? You know, when

I wounded one of my kids this morning, one of you went to them

as they came to church and they were pretty sad, and one of you

said, it looks like you're having a hard day. You may think that

that's a small thing, but that shows another person in the church

that you're compassionate towards them, that you've noticed their

countenance is downcast and you want to step in. And that person

gave this child a hug just to let them know, hey, I'm here

for you. I ask people, has something difficult happened lately? It

seems like you're a little bit off. What's going on? How do

you feel about what's going on in your job? It seems like that

would be difficult. I wouldn't want to deal with

that. What's going on? You might even just make the

simplest statement. I want you to know that I care for you. Proverbs chapter 27 verse 9 says,

Perfume and incense bring joy to the heart, and the pleasantness

of one's friends springs from his earnest counsel. There's

pleasantness that wells up as friends encourage us with their

counsel. One of the other things that

God gives us in Romans chapter 12 verse 15 in Christian friendship

is that we get to suffer with one another. But we also get

to rejoice with each other. Romans chapter 12 verse 15 tells

us, Rejoice with those who rejoice and weep with those who weep.

Paul is writing to the church in Rome and he wants them to

have these relationships with each other, whether they're Jew

or Gentile, they're now one family saved by grace with that same

spirit of adoption in their heart that cries out, Abba Father.

And so when they have something that's going on in their life

that's worth celebrating, their friends in the church come around,

they celebrate, they rejoice with them. But when there's hard

things and there's grieving things and there's weeping things, friends

are also able to be able to come alongside and weep with those

who weep. And so suffer and rejoice one another. Seventhly, in these

practical notes, is praying regularly for each other. You know, when

the Lord gives us the Lord's Prayer, it's not, my Father who

is in heaven, hallowed be your name. Give me my day, my daily

bread. But it doesn't use the first

person. It uses the first person singular.

It uses the plural. Our Father who's in heaven. Give

us this day our daily bread. Forgive us our transgressions. As we pray regularly for one

another, we remember that bond of friendship. So how are you

able to do this? Well, on the back by the sign-in,

you know, if there's a guest book back there, there's a whole

bunch of prayer calendars. Pick up a prayer calendar and

just work through the prayer calendar. Remember people in

the church. Make a prayer list. Pray through the directory. The

point is to pray with and for one another. Eighth practical

step of friendship, stay in contact with each other. We've already

talked about visiting one another and things like that, but sometimes

you don't have all that time, that's okay. Call the person,

text them, shoot them an email, whatever. I don't know, maybe

you're the Snapchat type people. I don't know what you do, but

get a hold of people and let them know, hey, I'm thinking

about you, how you doing? There's that funny thing you

remember that you saw online, that reform meme that you thought

was hilarious. Send it to one of your friends, let them laugh

with you. But I want to end with this. There's a reality check. We've been talking a lot about

friendship these last two weeks. There's a lot that's joy-filled

here. But the reality check is you're

not going to be friends with everybody in the church. Why? Because personalities don't always

match perfectly. You can't be best friends with

everyone in the church or else no one would actually be your

best friend. And friendship costs. There are

two extremely valuable resources in this life. Time and money. And one of them you can never

make more of. You'll never make more time. You'll just never

make more time. The Lord sets how much you have.

And when you decide that you want to make a friend with someone,

you need to count the cost. Because it's going to cost you

something you can never get back. You'll never get back your time.

But it's worth it. But also another reality check

is, you can't expect everybody in the church to like you either.

Let's just be honest. I don't like me a lot of times,

and my wife doesn't like me a lot of times. Why would I expect

all of you to like me? You don't need everybody in the

church to like you. But you have friends, just a couple, who could

encourage you and share grace with you. And understand also

that friendships don't stay stagnant. Relationships mold and change

and morph over time. There are some people who will

be closer in one season and less close in other seasons. And that's

not necessarily a bad thing. Sometimes the Lord brings us

friends that are strong and we desperately needed them at this

time in life and they were a gift from God to us. And then they

get busy and life changes or they move. And that's understandable. But there's also another reality

check, a warning that I want to give you, is that you might

have a temptation in friendship to try to find in friendship

with others horizontally, that at the end of the day, you could

only find that fulfillment vertically with God. You cannot have all

your worldly needs fulfilled by friends. Thank the Lord for Jesus. So

don't look to your friends to satisfy all your needs for love,

significance, or security. That type of identity, peace,

and security could only come from Jesus. So I want to just end this long

two-part sermon on friendship with just encouraging you. Friendship

is a gift from God. Friendship in the church is a

blessing from God himself. It's so beautiful when brothers

and sisters in the church dwell together in unity. The only picture

that God gives us for that at the height of it in the Psalter

is Psalm 133. That when brothers and sisters

dwell in the church in unity, when we have this type of heart-knit

love for one another, It's as beautiful as that pregnant point

in the Old Testament when Aaron himself was ordained to the office

of priesthood. Why? Because that meant reconciliation

vertically. There's a way for the Israelites

to be made right with God. And in our friendships with each

other, it shows that that vertical relationship is working itself

out horizontally amongst each other. So strive to have Christian

friends, pray for Christian friends, do what you need to cultivate

those Christian friendships. And when the Lord gives you those

friendships, thank him because they're a blessing from him.

Let's pray. Lord, we thank you that you have

not treated us like a tyrant over servants, but you have given

us your son. And our Lord calls us friends. Lord, we pray that you would

help us, fill us with your spirit in such a way that we would love

one another. Lord, we pray that you would

cultivate deep friendships in the church. Lord, we pray that

there would be friendships cultivated within the various generations,

children with children, and midlife with midlife, and elderly with

elderly, but also cross-generational as well. Lord, we pray that you

would develop friendship, mentor relationships that would encourage.

Lord, we pray that you would please give us this blessing

of having Christian friendships even in this own congregation.

We pray these things in Jesus's name.