John 15:12-17
Friendship - Part 1
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Sermon Text
John 15:12-17
12 This is My commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. 13 Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one’s life for his friends. 14 You are My friends if you do whatever I command you. 15 No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from My Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose Me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in My name He may give you. 17 These things I command you, that you love one another.
The New King James Version (Nashville: Thomas Nelson, 1982), Jn 15:12–17.
Sermon Summary
Introduction: Emphasis on the importance of deep, genuine friendship in a disconnected society. The erasure of the category of friendship with the emphasis on the erotic and homoerotic in our culture. Mention of a survey highlighting a lack of close friends among men.
Main Points:
Jesus' Example of Love and Friendship
Jesus commands love among His disciples as He has loved them.
Greater love is demonstrated by the sacrifice of one's life, as Jesus did for His friends.
Friendship with Jesus moves us from servants to friends, sharing in intimate knowledge and divine purposes.
The Necessity of Love in Christian Friendship
True friendship in the Christian context is rooted in love, as demonstrated by Jesus' commands and the teachings of His disciples.
Paul and Peter both reinforce the call to love one another deeply as a fundamental expression of Christian life.
Practical Aspects of Cultivating Christian Friendship
Differentiation between companions and true friends.
The importance of affection, loyalty, and reciprocal love in friendships.
Encouragement to pursue friendships within the church as a command of Christ and an outgrowth of our love for God.
Challenges in Loving and Being Friends
Acknowledgment of the difficulties due to sin and imperfection.
Call for humility, patience, and gentleness in building relationships.
Warning against self-centered attitudes that hinder deep friendships.
Conclusion:
Encouragement to seek and maintain godly friendships as essential to the Christian life.
Reminder of the power of the gospel to break down barriers and unite believers in deep, meaningful relationships.
Sample Bible Study
Love and Friendship in John 15:12-17
Theme: The Role of Love in Christian Friendship
Objective: To understand and apply Jesus' teachings on love and friendship to cultivate deeper relationships within the church.
Discussion Questions:
How does Jesus define love and its expression among His followers?
What distinctions can be made between a companion and a true friend according to biblical standards?
In what ways can we overcome the challenges of loving others in the church despite their imperfections?
Scriptural References:
Romans 12:9-10; 13:8-10 - Paul's teaching on love as the fulfillment of the law and the foundation of Christian interaction.
1 Thessalonians 3:12; 1 Peter 1:22-23 - Calls for an increase in love among believers as evidence of spiritual regeneration.
Historical and Theological Context:
Discussion on the cultural background affecting the understanding of friendship during Jesus' time and today.
Examination of how Jesus' teachings in John 15 contrast with societal norms by emphasizing sacrificial love.
Practical Applications:
Evaluate personal relationships within the church to ensure they are based on biblical love rather than convenience.
Commit to developing one deep, meaningful Christian friendship over the next month, focusing on sacrificial love and mutual edification.
Organize small group activities focused on sharing testimonies of God’s work in individual lives to foster intimacy and trust.
References to Catechisms and Confessions:
Westminster Confession of Faith (26.1 and 26.2) - Discusses the communion of saints and mutual love among believers.
Westminster Larger Catechism (Q. 141-143) - Details the duties required and sins forbidden in the eighth commandment, relating to loving and supporting our neighbors.
Westminster Shorter Catechism (Q. 42) - Speaks to the equality and value of believers, supporting the commandment to love as we have been loved by Christ.
Weekday Devotionals
Monday Devotional: The Joy of Divine Friendship
Scripture Reading: John 15:11-13 “‘These things I have spoken to you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends.’”
As we meditate upon the sacred text of John 15, we are reminded of the profound joy that comes from divine friendship. The Savior invites us to partake in a joy that is complete, rooted not in the fleeting pleasures of this world, but in the eternal love of Christ. He lays down the greatest love, the laying down of one’s life for friends, as the model for our interactions. Reflect today on how you can embody this sacrificial love in your own relationships, demonstrating the same unconditional love Christ has shown.
Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you see opportunities to serve and love your friends sacrificially, that your joy might be full in reflecting Christ’s love to others.
Tuesday Devotional: From Servants to Friends
Scripture Reading: John 15:14-15 “‘You are my friends if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing; but I have called you friends, for all things that I heard from my Father I have made known to you.’”
Consider the remarkable transition from servant to friend, as described by Christ. This new status is not based on our merits but on His gracious revelation and invitation into a deeper communion with Him. The friendship offered by Jesus is intimate, founded on transparency and trust, where He shares divine mysteries with us.
Prayer Prompt: Pray for a deeper appreciation and understanding of your friendship with Christ, that you may live more fully in the freedom and closeness He offers.
Wednesday Devotional: Chosen to Bear Fruit
Scripture Reading: John 15:16-17 “‘You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in my name, He may give you. These things I command you, that you love one another.’”
In these verses, Christ underscores our divine selection and purpose—to bear lasting fruit. This calling is intertwined with the command to love, suggesting that our fruitfulness is linked to our love for one another. Reflect on the nature of the fruit you are bearing in your life and community: is it characterized by love and permanence?
Prayer Prompt: Ask the Lord to guide you in bearing fruit that lasts, particularly in loving relationships, that your life may glorify Him.
Thursday Devotional: The Foundation of Christian Friendship
Scripture Reading: Romans 12:9-10 “‘Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another.’”
Paul's exhortation to the Romans resonates with the teachings of Christ in John 15. True Christian friendship must be sincere, seeking the good and honoring others above oneself. Today, consider how your friendships measure up to this biblical standard. Are they marked by genuine love and mutual honor?
Prayer Prompt: Seek God’s help to remove any hypocrisy in your relationships, and to cultivate friendships that are grounded in genuine affection and honor.
Friday Devotional: Love as the Fulfillment of the Law
Scripture Reading: Romans 13:8-10 “‘Owe no one anything except to love one another, for he who loves another has fulfilled the law. Love does no harm to a neighbor; therefore love is the fulfillment of the law.’”
Paul reiterates the primacy of love, which encapsulates all the commandments. As we reflect on our week, let us examine our actions towards our neighbors. Have they been acts of love that build up and do no harm? Let this reflection guide us in fulfilling God's law through our daily interactions.
Prayer Prompt: Confess any ways in which your actions may have fallen short of love, and ask for strength to love as Christ loves, fully and freely, in all your interactions.
Reflective Article
Automated Transcript
You may be seated. Will you turn
in your Bibles with me to the book of John, chapter 15, John
15. John 15, and we'll be looking
this morning at verses 12 through 17. I'll read 11 through 17.
If you're using the New King James Pew Bibles provided for
you, you'll find that on page 956. John 15, we'll read 11-17. Hear now God's perfect Word. These sayings I have spoken to
you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be
full. This is my commandment, that
you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no
one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are my friends, if you do
whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants,
for a servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have
called you friends. For all things that I heard from
my Father, I have made known to you. You did not choose me,
but I chose you, and appointed you that you should go and bear
fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask
the Father in my name, He may give you. These things I command
you, that you love one another." Thus ends this portion of the
reading of God's Word. Let's pray. Father, we thank You that You
have poured out Your love for us in Christ Jesus. And Father,
we have heard Your Word read. Lord, we pray that as we come
to it, that we would have humility, that we would have hearts and
minds ready to learn and receive, and that You would teach us the
ways in which we ought to walk. Lord, we pray that Your Spirit
would be working now in Jesus' name. Amen. Well, I'm just going
to let you know by the size of the outline, I had planned earlier
that you were going to drink from a fire hose this morning
and we were just going to run through this and you were going
to look up the passages later. And then after we had too much
water downstairs, I thought, well, we're just going to cut
this in half. I was inclined that way this morning. So that's
what we're going to do. We're going to cut this in half. Again, I think there's
a lot of good material here. I hope it's good. I hope you'll
see it too. But the reason why I think this is so important,
and one of the suggestions that was offered to me, was how do
we develop friendships in the congregation? How do we, as a
commuter church, where people live 45 minutes south, and an
hour north, and half an hour west, and half an hour east,
how do we have friendships when we're not altogether? How do we encourage relationships
in the church? Well, I'm going to suggest to
you that this is not just a problem in a commuter church, this is
an epidemic in our society. There is a survey done in 2021,
a perspective survey by the Center on American Life, that 76% of
men do not have a close and trusted friend they can share anything
with on a topic. Did you hear that? 76% of men,
that translates into 3 quarters of men in our society at large
don't have a close friend that they can confide in. And that's
horrible. It's sad. Right? The decay of
friendship in our culture is something that we feel palpably
in the church as well. And we feel it in the culture
as well, as friendship gets pushed to the side and erased, because
our society is consumed with eroticism. Right? I mean, you
see this all the time, where even people come to the Bible
and they look at places like Jonathan and David and this close
friendship, and people automatically go, oh, I wonder if they were
gay. Or you see two little boys walking down the road who are
in kindergarten and first grade, best friends holding hands and
people wonder, hmm, I wonder if something else, right? But
that's how twisted our culture has gotten. That two people who
just genuinely have a friendship love for each other, our culture
wants a twist. Our culture wants to change it.
Our culture has made it that there's not a place to have heart-to-heart
type friendships. But the truth I want you to take
home with you today is God does want you to have friendships. God wants you to have friendships. I hope you walk out of here today
knowing God wants you to have friendships. And I hope you see
that especially in the church. And I'm just gonna say, right,
why do I say that I think this is a command? Right, well, what
does Jesus say here? Greater love, verse 13, greater
love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his,
and how does Jesus talk about his disciples? His friends. His friends. Jesus says, you're
no longer servants, you're my friends. if Jesus chose to have
friends, I hope that you will also realize that you need to
have friends in this life. And key to that that we find
here in John chapter 15, the key to friendship is love. The key to friendship is love. I want to make a distinction
A couple of definitions for you. One author said that we need
to make a difference between companions and friends. Let me
talk to you about companions for a minute. A companion is a person who associates
with and shares with another's doing. You may have companions
at work. You may have people that you
do stuff with. You may know them because you
run around in the same circles and stuff like that. But that
doesn't necessarily mean that that acquaintance is actually
a friend. They may be a companion to you.
So then what is a friend? The same author, June Hunt, describes
a friend as a person united to another by feelings of affection,
loyal support, and social interaction. A friendship is a reciprocal
relationship of liking and loving between two people. Did you notice
the depth of that relationship is different than, oh yeah, this
is my buddy that we do stuff together. Now that's part of
it, right? That shared social interaction.
But is there a depth of affection and loyal support of liking and
loving between the two people? Or Jesus commanded that we love. In the passage we saw here today,
John chapter 15, 12 through 17, Jesus specifically commands them
in verse 12, this is my commandment, that you love one another as
I have loved you. Jesus' foundation, the root of
Jesus calling His disciples friends, is because He loved His disciples. This isn't the only place Jesus
said. Let's just flip back a few chapters to John chapter 13,
34 through 35. And Jesus says in John 13, A
new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as
I have loved you, that you also may love one another. By this
all will know that you are my disciples. What's the key mark
of knowing you're a disciple of Jesus, a friend of Jesus?
If you have love for one another. So the foundation, the bedrock
of Christian friendship must be love for one another. But it's not just Jesus who commands
this, Jesus' disciples taught this also. Paul teaches it in
Romans chapter 12 verses 9-10 when it is commanded in the epistles. Be kindly affectionate to one
another with brotherly love, and giving honor and preference
to one another. He says it again in Romans chapter
13 verses 8-10. owe no one anything except to
love one another. For he who loves another has
fulfilled the law." And then he lists the second table of
the law. Do not murder, do not steal,
do not commit adultery. He goes on with that and he says,
if there's any other commandment, all are summed up in saying,
namely, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm
to a neighbor. Therefore, love is the fulfillment
of the law. Love is the foundation of how
we are to interact with one another. Paul goes on in Galatians 5,
13-15, For you, brethren, have been called to liberty. Only
do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love
serve one another. And then in 1 Thessalonians 3.12,
And may the Lord make you increase and abound in abound in love
to one another. 1 Peter. So it's not just Paul
here, right? Now let's talk about the Apostle
Peter. 1 Peter 1, verses 22-23. Do you see what Peter did there? Peter connected your being reborn,
your regeneration, to what's the outflow naturally of that?
That we love one another. We can't separate them. If you
have no love for God's people, you have to ask yourself, do
I truly love God? And that's Peter who makes that
connection for us. That's the Holy Spirit who says
that to us. But there's a reality check.
I've been kind of telling you a lot about love, and this makes
it sound like it should be easy, but I'm going to tell you right
now, it is not easy. It is just not easy. There is sin in the world. There is sin in the world. And
so we might say, or one of you might object and say, well, I've
tried to love people in the church, but it's really hard. I've really
tried to love X, Y, and Z person, but it's really hard to love
them. Well, I'm going to suggest to
you that if God waited for you to be lovely before He loved
you, you would still be dead in your trespasses and sins.
What did God tell us? When did God love us? When we
got our acts together? When we became lovable people?
No. No, this is the beauty of love,
right? Romans 5, verse 8. But God demonstrates His own
love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ
died for us. When we were still in the filth
and the muck and the stench of our own sin, that's when God
still loved us. Don't wait. If you're waiting
to make Christian friends in the church, in this community,
for when people finally become the type of people that you want
to love, go ahead and hold your breath. I'll wait till your face
turns blue. We live in a sinful world. It's not going to happen.
We need to love people who are sinners. You're trying to be
friends with sinners. And so I'm going to suggest to
you that there's some key gospel traits that have to go with being
friends with sinners. This is where Ephesians 4.2 becomes
very helpful. Ephesians 4.2, with all lowliness
and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love. If we are to have friends in
the church, it needs to start with our own hearts. We need
to cultivate in our own hearts humility. Thinking more highly
of others than we think of ourselves. We need to cultivate in our hearts,
if we're going to have friends in the church, to have gentleness. If you're the type of person
who's always sharp, it's like people are walking on eggshells
around you, it's hard for people to be your friend. But have gentleness
with others. If you're the type of person
who's given over to being critiquing or pointing out other people's
faults, it's going to be really hard for people to be friends.
Also have patience. I actually love the New King
James translation there for patience. Long suffering. You know you got a real friend
if they stick with you even on the bad days. It's easy to have fair weather
friends. It's hard to have friends that when you're messed up and
you're ugly and things are just going wrong who will still stick
it out with you, who will suffer along with you. Bearing with one another in love.
Make allowance for the other person's faults. You're never
going to make a perfect friend. You've got to make allowance
for them to have faults in their lives. I'm not saying brush over
sin, but be gentle. So you're going to be trying
to be making friends with sinners. I'm going to suggest to you that
we're going to also be our own worst enemies when we try to
make friends in the church. We can be our own worst enemies
when we try to make friends in the church. What do I mean by
that? Well, when friendship turns to self, I want to give you just
a few areas here where if these things are characteristics in
your life, you're going to have a hard time making friends in the church.
You're going to have a hard time making friends, period. If you're
filled with self-contempt, If you're just always poo-poo
down on yourself, if you have a poor self-image, if people
come to you and every time they come to you, you've got some
moan and groan about how horrible you are and how just horrible
your life is, it's kind of hard to be with somebody who's constantly
dour. But it's also hard to be friends
with somebody who's self-centered. You know what it's like to try
to be friends with somebody who's absorbed in their own needs and
wants and desires. It's hard to be friends with
somebody like that because you wonder, is there any reciprocation
here? Do they love me or are they just
trying to use me to get what they want? It can also be difficult to be
friends if you're given over to a high level of being self-conscious.
And I'm just giving you kind of some practical biblical things
here. But if you desire to be friends with people, you may
have a natural inclination in your life to be more introverted
or more shy. But the shyer you are, what often
happens is if you're paralyzed by that shyness, it can actually
become isolating, where other people are scared or even don't
know how to enter into that relationship with you. We can also hurt friendships
by being self-deceiving. When we're not honest with people,
if you're deceiving yourself about how you're feeling or what
you're doing in your life and you're given over to self-deceit,
it's hard for people to trust you. If you're a self-defensive type
person, by that I mean if you're always justifying your own actions. A friend isn't the type of person,
a true biblical friend isn't the type of person who doesn't
ever challenge you on things. But it's hard to be friends with
someone if you try to lovingly, gently, patiently bring to them
something that you're like, you know, I'm not sure that this
is what you should be doing in your life. I'm concerned that
this is breaking God's law. And right away it's self-defensiveness
and it's the attack. It's really hard to be friends
with people like that. So fight self-defensiveness. Self-pity. Self-pride. Man, if you're perfectionistic,
it's really hard to be friends with somebody who's a perfectionist.
If you're self-righteous, and self-righteous often doesn't
look like justifying yourself, but it looks like constantly
judging other people. Some people, if what they hear
from you is routinely your judgment of other people, they wonder,
do I really want to have a close association? Because when is
the judgment going to fall on me? So be careful about our own
tendencies. And I'm saying, I think each
of these tendencies we find in our hearts. So we need to fight
against these things. Self-serving, right? You try
to be friends with somebody who's controlling or manipulative.
It doesn't often go well. And this is a difficult one,
especially in Iowa. Self-sufficient. I mean, you
Iowa people, you like to work hard. One of the things I love
about Iowa people is they work hard, you have a Midwest work
ethic like nothing else, but it can also be your own worst
enemy in making friends sometimes, I notice. Because even when some
people are in need, and you just ask, hey, can I help? Some people
are so self-sufficient that they're like, oh no, I got this, even
though they're drowning. And so one of the things that
you might have to do in our type of culture is instead of saying,
is there any way I can help, because we're a culture given
over to self-sufficiency, is asking, or not even just asking,
you may even have to be a little bit more forward about it and
say, hey, I'm going to make you a meal. Can I bring it over on
Wednesday? You may have to assert yourself a little bit into that
friendship. If we hold on too much to self-sufficiency,
it can harm our friendships. And I want to give you two other
ways in which our friendships can fail when we believe two
things. Our friendships fail when we believe these two things.
I wish I had a friend who gave me a feeling of belonging. All of us want that. We want
to feel like we belong. And made me feel significant. But if that's
all your friendship is, because you want to feel like you are
accepted and significant, what are you actually wanting? That's not how Jesus operated,
was it? Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. People
will see you as being somebody who's a sponge soaking in, but
not a river flowing out with life. But another Part when friendship
will fail is if we believe that I need a friend who will give
me unconditional love and will never challenge me. If you're
looking for a friend who will just give you unconditional love
and never challenge you, you're looking for somebody who will
hold you up as an idol. And you will run through friends
and rack them up and leave them fall. Because for real friends,
It's a back and forth. It's a loving challenge. It's
what the Proverbs talk about as one man sharpening another
as iron sharpens another. So I wanted to just end with
this second point. Christian friendship is rooted
in a unity of heart with others. Christian fellowship and friendship
is rooted in a unity of heart with others. This starts in the
centrality of the gospel. Galatians 4, verses 1-6 says,
Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ
at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under
guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the Father.
Even so, we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements
of the world. But when the fullness of time
had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under
the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might
receive this adoption as sons. And because you all are sons,
God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your all's hearts,
crying out, Abba, Father." In the church, our love for one
another is rooted first and foremost in God's love for us. Did you
notice how the Lord's prayer is structured? Our Father who
art in heaven, He's not just my Father, but He's your Father.
The same Spirit that is in you that cries out, Abba, Father,
is that same foundational bond that unites you to your brothers
and sisters in the church. We can love one another first
because God has loved us. And this allows us or enables
us to move beyond stereotypes of this world and towards loving
one another. Because we have the same heart
cry. We have the same God, we have the same Father, we have
the same love. If we're directed at the same
person who has first loved us, it knits us together. We have
a common Redeemer and a common hope. And because of that, dividing
walls have been torn down. I don't think you understand
what's happened here this morning. If it were not for the Gospel,
If it were not for the love of God and the work that He's done
in your hearts, could you imagine any of us sitting at the same
table deciding that we want to be a part of the same social
club? Deciding that we want to be a part of the same team? Why
would you drive for an hour to get together with these people?
Why would you stay here and commit yourself to this congregation,
if it wasn't first that you knew that the heart of the gospel
was the glue that sticks us together, that we're attracted to that
same God, that same love that's been poured out into our hearts.
And because Jesus has done this, He tears down dividing walls.
Ephesians chapter 2, verses 14 through 18. He Himself is our
peace and has made both one. and has broken down the middle
wall of separation, having abolished in his flesh the enmity that
is in the law of commandments contained in ordinances, so as
to create in himself one new man from the two, thus making
peace, and that he might reconcile them both to God in one body
through the cross, thereby putting to death the enmity. What has
Jesus Christ done? What is Paul saying there in
the ancient Christian church? Jews were on this side. Gentiles
were on that side. Completely separate. If you were
a Jew, you weren't allowed to eat with a Gentile. But through
the cross, that wall of separation was torn down. And in the church,
it turned the whole world on its head. Because in the congregation,
You had the slave worshiping with the master. In the Christian
family, in the Christian church, you didn't just have the rich,
but you had the poor. And you had the poor sitting
in seats of honor, and the rich willingly giving it up because
they loved them. In the church you had barbarian and Scythian
worshiping with a Jew in the same house. They weren't even
allowed to go into each other's houses. In the church. You had men from Judea going
to places like India, and Ethiopia, and Rome, and Spain, and Turkey,
and England to go share the good news of Jesus Christ because
Jesus tore down those barrier walls. This is why in the early church,
it's kind of funny, you read through some of the things that
Romans thought, and the Christians loved each other so much because
of their common bond and love of Jesus Christ, they called
each other brother and sister. And so one of the charges that
Romans brought against the Christians was that they committed incest.
Because brothers and sisters were marrying each other. But
what they didn't understand is they were not from the same physical
family. They called each other brother
and sister because they had the same Heavenly Father. This is
why they would worship in the catacombs even though the Romans
tried to kill them. Their friendship and fellowship
was rooted in communion with God and with others. So I need to ask you this morning,
as you desire and I hope you do because this is God's command
for you to love one another. God desires for you to have friends
in the church. Why would you want to? Is it because you love our Heavenly
Father and you recognize that it's God Himself who has drawn
you together in this same congregation to love each other? Sacrificially,
knowing that there's a whole bunch of sin we're still dealing
with. But will you put yourself out there? Will you pray to Him that He
gives you friends in the congregation? People who will love you and
people who you could love. This is God's desire for the
church. We're not a bunch of individuals in different pockets. But He desires us to be friends.
because he has called us friends. Let's pray. Lord, we thank you that you do not treat us like slaves and servants who
don't know what you're doing, but you have given us the adoption. You have brought us into your
family. You have loved us. Father, we pray that in this congregation and in our
lives, Lord, we pray that you would help us to love each other
well. That we might be known in our
community, that we might be known by those around us, that we have
a reputation for loving each other. Lord, only your spirit
can do this. So we pray that you would help
us in Jesus's name. Amen. Let's stand together.