I Call You Friends

Scripture Reading

You may be seated. Will you turn in your Bibles with me to the book of John, chapter 15, John 15. John 15, and we'll be looking this morning at verses 12 through 17. I'll read 11 through 17. If you're using the New King James Pew Bibles provided for you, you'll find that on page 956. John 15, we'll read 11-17. Hear now God's perfect Word.

These sayings I have spoken to you, that my joy may remain in you, and that your joy may be full. This is my commandment, that you love one another, as I have loved you. Greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his friends. You are my friends, if you do whatever I command you. No longer do I call you servants, for a servant does not know what his master is doing, but I have called you friends. For all things that I heard from my Father, I have made known to you. You did not choose me, but I chose you, and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit, and that your fruit should remain, that whatever you ask the Father in my name, He may give you. These things I command you, that you love one another."

Prayer for Illumination

Thus ends this portion of the reading of God's Word. Let's pray. Father, we thank You that You have poured out Your love for us in Christ Jesus. And Father, we have heard Your Word read. Lord, we pray that as we come to it, that we would have humility, that we would have hearts and minds ready to learn and receive, and that You would teach us the ways in which we ought to walk. Lord, we pray that Your Spirit would be working now in Jesus' name. Amen.

Sermon

Well, I'm just going to let you know by the size of the outline, I had planned earlier that you were going to drink from a fire hose this morning and we were just going to run through this and you were going to look up the passages later. And then after we had too much water downstairs, I thought, well, we're just going to cut this in half. I was inclined that way this morning. So that's what we're going to do. We're going to cut this in half. Again, I think there's a lot of good material here. I hope it's good. I hope you'll see it too.

But the reason why I think this is so important, and one of the suggestions that was offered to me, was how do we develop friendships in the congregation? How do we, as a commuter church, where people live 45 minutes south, and an hour north, and half an hour west, and half an hour east, how do we have friendships when we're not altogether? How do we encourage relationships in the church? Well, I'm going to suggest to you that this is not just a problem in a commuter church, this is an epidemic in our society.

There is a survey done in 2021, a perspective survey by the Center on American Life, that 76% of men do not have a close and trusted friend they can share anything with on a topic. Did you hear that? 76% of men, that translates into 3 quarters of men in our society at large don't have a close friend that they can confide in.

And that's horrible. It's sad. Right? The decay of friendship in our culture is something that we feel palpably in the church as well. And we feel it in the culture as well, as friendship gets pushed to the side and erased, because our society is consumed with eroticism. Right?

I mean, you see this all the time, where even people come to the Bible and they look at places like Jonathan and David and this close friendship, and people automatically go, oh, I wonder if they were gay. Or you see two little boys walking down the road who are in kindergarten and first grade, best friends holding hands and people wonder, hmm, I wonder if something else, right?

But that's how twisted our culture has gotten. That two people who just genuinely have a friendship love for each other, our culture wants a twist. Our culture wants to change it. Our culture has made it that there's not a place to have heart-to-heart type friendships.

But the truth I want you to take home with you today is God does want you to have friendships. God wants you to have friendships. I hope you walk out of here today knowing God wants you to have friendships. And I hope you see that especially in the church.

And I'm just gonna say, right, why do I say that I think this is a command? Right, well, what does Jesus say here? Greater love, verse 13, greater love has no one than this, than to lay down one's life for his, and how does Jesus talk about his disciples?

His friends. His friends. Jesus says, you're no longer servants, you're my friends. if Jesus chose to have friends, I hope that you will also realize that you need to have friends in this life. And key to that that we find here in John chapter 15, the key to friendship is love. The key to friendship is love.

I want to make a distinction A couple of definitions for you. One author said that we need to make a difference between companions and friends. Let me talk to you about companions for a minute. A companion is a person who associates with and shares with another's doing. You may have companions at work. You may have people that you do stuff with. You may know them because you run around in the same circles and stuff like that. But that doesn't necessarily mean that that acquaintance is actually a friend. They may be a companion to you.

So then what is a friend? The same author, June Hunt, describes a friend as a person united to another by feelings of affection, loyal support, and social interaction. A friendship is a reciprocal relationship of liking and loving between two people. Did you notice the depth of that relationship is different than, oh yeah, this is my buddy that we do stuff together. Now that's part of it, right? That shared social interaction. But is there a depth of affection and loyal support of liking and loving between the two people?

Or Jesus commanded that we love. In the passage we saw here today, John chapter 15, 12 through 17, Jesus specifically commands them in verse 12, this is my commandment, that you love one another as I have loved you. Jesus' foundation, the root of Jesus calling His disciples friends, is because He loved His disciples. This isn't the only place Jesus said. Let's just flip back a few chapters to John chapter 13, 34 through 35. And Jesus says in John 13, A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another as I have loved you, that you also may love one another. By this all will know that you are my disciples. What's the key mark of knowing you're a disciple of Jesus, a friend of Jesus? If you have love for one another. So the foundation, the bedrock of Christian friendship must be love for one another.

But it's not just Jesus who commands this, Jesus' disciples taught this also. Paul teaches it in Romans chapter 12 verses 9-10 when it is commanded in the epistles. Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, and giving honor and preference to one another.

He says it again in Romans chapter 13 verses 8-10. owe no one anything except to love one another. For he who loves another has fulfilled the law." And then he lists the second table of the law. Do not murder, do not steal, do not commit adultery. He goes on with that and he says, if there's any other commandment, all are summed up in saying, namely, you shall love your neighbor as yourself. Love does no harm to a neighbor.

Therefore, love is the fulfillment of the law. Love is the foundation of how we are to interact with one another. Paul goes on in Galatians 5, 13-15, For you, brethren, have been called to liberty. Only do not use liberty as an opportunity for the flesh, but through love serve one another.

And then in 1 Thessalonians 3.12, And may the Lord make you increase and abound in abound in love to one another.

1 Peter. So it's not just Paul here, right? Now let's talk about the Apostle Peter. 1 Peter 1, verses 22-23. Do you see what Peter did there? Peter connected your being reborn, your regeneration, to what's the outflow naturally of that? That we love one another. We can't separate them. If you have no love for God's people, you have to ask yourself, do I truly love God? And that's Peter who makes that connection for us. That's the Holy Spirit who says that to us.

But there's a reality check. I've been kind of telling you a lot about love, and this makes it sound like it should be easy, but I'm going to tell you right now, it is not easy. It is just not easy. There is sin in the world. There is sin in the world. And so we might say, or one of you might object and say, well, I've tried to love people in the church, but it's really hard. I've really tried to love X, Y, and Z person, but it's really hard to love them. Well, I'm going to suggest to you that if God waited for you to be lovely before He loved you, you would still be dead in your trespasses and sins. What did God tell us? When did God love us? When we got our acts together? When we became lovable people?

No. No, this is the beauty of love, right? Romans 5, verse 8. But God demonstrates His own love toward us in that while we were still sinners, Christ died for us. When we were still in the filth and the muck and the stench of our own sin, that's when God still loved us.

Don't wait. If you're waiting to make Christian friends in the church, in this community, for when people finally become the type of people that you want to love, go ahead and hold your breath. I'll wait till your face turns blue. We live in a sinful world. It's not going to happen. We need to love people who are sinners. You're trying to be friends with sinners. And so I'm going to suggest to you that there's some key gospel traits that have to go with being friends with sinners.

This is where Ephesians 4.2 becomes very helpful.

Ephesians 4.2, with all lowliness and gentleness, with longsuffering, bearing with one another in love.

If we are to have friends in the church, it needs to start with our own hearts. We need to cultivate in our own hearts humility. Thinking more highly of others than we think of ourselves. We need to cultivate in our hearts, if we're going to have friends in the church, to have gentleness.

If you're the type of person who's always sharp, it's like people are walking on eggshells around you, it's hard for people to be your friend. But have gentleness with others. If you're the type of person who's given over to being critiquing or pointing out other people's faults, it's going to be really hard for people to be friends.

Also have patience. I actually love the New King James translation there for patience. Long suffering. You know you got a real friend if they stick with you even on the bad days. It's easy to have fair weather friends. It's hard to have friends that when you're messed up and you're ugly and things are just going wrong who will still stick it out with you, who will suffer along with you. Bearing with one another in love. Make allowance for the other person's faults. You're never going to make a perfect friend. You've got to make allowance for them to have faults in their lives. I'm not saying brush over sin, but be gentle. So you're going to be trying to be making friends with sinners.

I'm going to suggest to you that we're going to also be our own worst enemies when we try to make friends in the church. We can be our own worst enemies when we try to make friends in the church. What do I mean by that? Well, when friendship turns to self, I want to give you just a few areas here where if these things are characteristics in your life, you're going to have a hard time making friends in the church.

You're going to have a hard time making friends, period. If you're filled with self-contempt, If you're just always poo-poo down on yourself, if you have a poor self-image, if people come to you and every time they come to you, you've got some moan and groan about how horrible you are and how just horrible your life is, it's kind of hard to be with somebody who's constantly dour. But it's also hard to be friends with somebody who's self-centered. You know what it's like to try to be friends with somebody who's absorbed in their own needs and wants and desires. It's hard to be friends with somebody like that because you wonder, is there any reciprocation here? Do they love me or are they just trying to use me to get what they want? It can also be difficult to be friends if you're given over to a high level of being self-conscious. And I'm just giving you kind of some practical biblical things here.

But if you desire to be friends with people, you may have a natural inclination in your life to be more introverted or more shy. But the shyer you are, what often happens is if you're paralyzed by that shyness, it can actually become isolating, where other people are scared or even don't know how to enter into that relationship with you. We can also hurt friendships by being self-deceiving. When we're not honest with people, if you're deceiving yourself about how you're feeling or what you're doing in your life and you're given over to self-deceit, it's hard for people to trust you.

If you're a self-defensive type person, by that I mean if you're always justifying your own actions. A friend isn't the type of person, a true biblical friend isn't the type of person who doesn't ever challenge you on things. But it's hard to be friends with someone if you try to lovingly, gently, patiently bring to them something that you're like, you know, I'm not sure that this is what you should be doing in your life.

I'm concerned that this is breaking God's law. And right away it's self-defensiveness and it's the attack. It's really hard to be friends with people like that. So fight self-defensiveness. Self-pity. Self-pride. Man, if you're perfectionistic, it's really hard to be friends with somebody who's a perfectionist. If you're self-righteous, and self-righteous often doesn't look like justifying yourself, but it looks like constantly judging other people. Some people, if what they hear from you is routinely your judgment of other people, they wonder, do I really want to have a close association? Because when is the judgment going to fall on me?

So be careful about our own tendencies. And I'm saying, I think each of these tendencies we find in our hearts. So we need to fight against these things. Self-serving, right? You try to be friends with somebody who's controlling or manipulative. It doesn't often go well. And this is a difficult one, especially in Iowa. Self-sufficient. I mean, you Iowa people, you like to work hard. One of the things I love about Iowa people is they work hard, you have a Midwest work ethic like nothing else, but it can also be your own worst enemy in making friends sometimes, I notice.

Because even when some people are in need, and you just ask, hey, can I help? Some people are so self-sufficient that they're like, oh no, I got this, even though they're drowning. And so one of the things that you might have to do in our type of culture is instead of saying, is there any way I can help, because we're a culture given over to self-sufficiency, is asking, or not even just asking, you may even have to be a little bit more forward about it and say, hey, I'm going to make you a meal. Can I bring it over on Wednesday?

You may have to assert yourself a little bit into that friendship. If we hold on too much to self-sufficiency, it can harm our friendships. And I want to give you two other ways in which our friendships can fail when we believe two things. Our friendships fail when we believe these two things.

I wish I had a friend who gave me a feeling of belonging. All of us want that. We want to feel like we belong. And made me feel significant. But if that's all your friendship is, because you want to feel like you are accepted and significant, what are you actually wanting? That's not how Jesus operated, was it? Jesus came not to be served, but to serve. People will see you as being somebody who's a sponge soaking in, but not a river flowing out with life.

But another Part when friendship will fail is if we believe that I need a friend who will give me unconditional love and will never challenge me. If you're looking for a friend who will just give you unconditional love and never challenge you, you're looking for somebody who will hold you up as an idol. And you will run through friends and rack them up and leave them fall.

Second Point

Because for real friends, It's a back and forth. It's a loving challenge. It's what the Proverbs talk about as one man sharpening another as iron sharpens another. So I wanted to just end with this second point. Christian friendship is rooted in a unity of heart with others. Christian fellowship and friendship is rooted in a unity of heart with others. This starts in the centrality of the gospel.

Galatians 4, verses 1-6 says, Now I say that the heir, as long as he is a child, does not differ at all from a slave, though he is master of all, but is under guardians and stewards until the time appointed by the Father. Even so, we, when we were children, were in bondage under the elements of the world. But when the fullness of time had come, God sent forth His Son, born of a woman, born under the law, to redeem those who were under the law, that we might receive this adoption as sons. And because you all are sons, God has sent forth the Spirit of His Son into your all's hearts, crying out, Abba, Father."

In the church, our love for one another is rooted first and foremost in God's love for us. Did you notice how the Lord's prayer is structured? Our Father who art in heaven, He's not just my Father, but He's your Father. The same Spirit that is in you that cries out, Abba, Father, is that same foundational bond that unites you to your brothers and sisters in the church.

We can love one another first because God has loved us. And this allows us or enables us to move beyond stereotypes of this world and towards loving one another. Because we have the same heart cry. We have the same God, we have the same Father, we have the same love. If we're directed at the same person who has first loved us, it knits us together. We have a common Redeemer and a common hope. And because of that, dividing walls have been torn down.

I don't think you understand what's happened here this morning. If it were not for the Gospel, If it were not for the love of God and the work that He's done in your hearts, could you imagine any of us sitting at the same table deciding that we want to be a part of the same social club? Deciding that we want to be a part of the same team? Why would you drive for an hour to get together with these people? Why would you stay here and commit yourself to this congregation, if it wasn't first that you knew that the heart of the gospel was the glue that sticks us together, that we're attracted to that same God, that same love that's been poured out into our hearts.

And because Jesus has done this, He tears down dividing walls. Ephesians chapter 2, verses 14 through 18. He Himself is our peace and has made both one. and has broken down the middle wall of separation, having abolished in his flesh the enmity that is in the law of commandments contained in ordinances, so as to create in himself one new man from the two, thus making peace, and that he might reconcile them both to God in one body through the cross, thereby putting to death the enmity. What has Jesus Christ done? What is Paul saying there in the ancient Christian church? Jews were on this side. Gentiles were on that side. Completely separate. If you were a Jew, you weren't allowed to eat with a Gentile. But through the cross, that wall of separation was torn down.

And in the church, it turned the whole world on its head. Because in the congregation, You had the slave worshiping with the master. In the Christian family, in the Christian church, you didn't just have the rich, but you had the poor. And you had the poor sitting in seats of honor, and the rich willingly giving it up because they loved them. In the church you had barbarian and Scythian worshiping with a Jew in the same house. They weren't even allowed to go into each other's houses. In the church.

You had men from Judea going to places like India, and Ethiopia, and Rome, and Spain, and Turkey, and England to go share the good news of Jesus Christ because Jesus tore down those barrier walls. This is why in the early church, it's kind of funny, you read through some of the things that Romans thought, and the Christians loved each other so much because of their common bond and love of Jesus Christ, they called each other brother and sister. And so one of the charges that Romans brought against the Christians was that they committed incest.

Because brothers and sisters were marrying each other. But what they didn't understand is they were not from the same physical family. They called each other brother and sister because they had the same Heavenly Father. This is why they would worship in the catacombs even though the Romans tried to kill them. Their friendship and fellowship was rooted in communion with God and with others.

So I need to ask you this morning, as you desire and I hope you do because this is God's command for you to love one another. God desires for you to have friends in the church. Why would you want to? Is it because you love our Heavenly Father and you recognize that it's God Himself who has drawn you together in this same congregation to love each other? Sacrificially, knowing that there's a whole bunch of sin we're still dealing with. But will you put yourself out there? Will you pray to Him that He gives you friends in the congregation? People who will love you and people who you could love.

Closing Prayer

This is God's desire for the church. We're not a bunch of individuals in different pockets. But He desires us to be friends. because he has called us friends. Let's pray. Lord, we thank you that you do not treat us like slaves and servants who don't know what you're doing, but you have given us the adoption. You have brought us into your family. You have loved us. Father, we pray that in this congregation and in our lives, Lord, we pray that you would help us to love each other well. That we might be known in our community, that we might be known by those around us, that we have a reputation for loving each other. Lord, only your spirit can do this. So we pray that you would help us in Jesus's name. Amen. Let's stand together.